Monday, June 29, 2009

my heart thanks you!!!

here's the whole article:

i realized after my last blog post...that something I've always struggled with, is opening up to people...a voice in my head says, "don't say that, that will be stupid or dumb, or no one really cares"....or i fear rejection, which has been a huge issue in my life. It hurts to be rejected, right down to the inner most parts of you...and for that reason, I don't even say things, then I won't have to worry about someone saying what I thought was stupid or whatever else I fear will come out of their mouths. My sister even says that I never tell her things...like they never even know if I like a guy or what I am planing on doing, all because I'm afraid of them rejecting my plans or likes. 
I remember years ago when I first started as a make-up artist, I was afraid to tell people confidently, "yeah, i'm a make-up artist", all because I wasn't making "a living" at it. Yet! The keyword was yet! Instead I would say, "well I work at a restaurant in Beverly Hills....", or, "I want to be a make-up artist". Well one night I was talking with an old song writer that wrote with the Beatles, and he, "Just because you aren't making money at something, doesn't mean you aren't an artist." He told me to start telling people what I am, because inside me, that's what you are. Just because you get a paycheck, that isn't the moment you become that, you've been an artist for years. And yes, when my little hands would draw pictures and nail them to a tree in my front yard, I was an artist.
I used to draw for hours, entire seasons of my clothing lines...I loved it, and I would pretend I was like Betsey Johnson, Sonia Rykiel, or Karl Lagerfeld....I was a designer.
I just found this from the ELLE blog, and my heart felt like it burst through the ceiling. They compared my "art" to Rei Kawakubo and Commes Des Garcons.......to know that I would be referred to in the same sentence as either one of those names makes me think, "are they talking about me!?!"....Those names have danced across the tv screen as I watched wide-eyed as a little girl soaking up all these runway images that seemed a world away from my living room.  While other girls were playing house, I was imagining I was there, getting ready to be interviewed about my fall collection!
I want each and every one of you to give your dreams wings, tell the world of the talents that you hold inside. Set them free to fly to all the places that have been locked in the dream chambers of your heart.  You can do it! 
Let the world see the sparkle in your eyes when you proudly say, "I am a......fill in the desire of your heart here!"....

Thank you each and every one of you who has encouraged my heart with your loving words. You have no idea what those words have done for me, they have lifted me out of the deep holes of sadness and cruelty that the world dishes out on daily basis.

I hope that this little place in the cyber world, can be a haven for those whose hearts are delicate and beautiful and filled with dreams....I love you all so dearly....please feel my smile and a the warmest of hugs I'm sending each one of you right now....
smiles so big it makes my face look funny.....kandee

40 comments:

Anonymous said...

Awe again you make me so happy kandee as I said before I love your videos and give a boost of confidence whenever I see them

macgurlie said...

You are truly an inspiration and I am happy to see you so greatful and inspiring. Thank you

Natascha said...
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Natascha said...

Kandee-
Im so happy for you! I love your videos and I love how energetic and positive you always are! This blog post was really touching and encouraging!Thanks <3

KiLLaCaM said...

you are so inspirational kandee! you don't even know how many levels of this post i can identify with. I'm a working artist now and I still find myself second guessing this so-called "skill" i have. I think it's held me back from various gigs because I've back out of them because I didn't think was good enough or i was afraid of rejection. I'm always thinking, "what if they just HATE what i do?"

You have inspired me to have a Nike attitude and "Just do it!"

Mandy said...

Congratulations baby!!!

Mommy Beauty said...

Wow, you are so much like me (our birthdays are even one day apart, I noticed on your YouTube page)! Everybody sees me as this "tough" no-nonsense chick, but I'm really not. It's just a shell to keep people from getting too close and getting the opportunity to see the "real" me and then reject it. No one ever sees my heart, what really bothers me, what I really care about. I've pretty much been dubbed "the quiet one" since age 10 because I'm afraid to say much, I overanalyze how people will judge me, etc.

Thank you for being such an inspiration. I'm a web content writer but my real dream is to become a novelist. You can tell by the length of this response. ;)

Even though I hate that you second-guess yourself, it's nice to see that such a beautiful, talented person can feel the way a lot of us do.

Laida said...

Thank you for your sweet, uplifting words =)

modernpinup said...

As I was reading this, i began to think and all of a sudden burst out "I AM NOT A HERMET!!!!"

For the past few years i have been completely isolated, no friends, no one to talk to,in the house all day everyday with only my parents as company. They are hermetsand are happy and content in being so. the last 1 1/2 yr of my life has been hard. i started school which was difficult because on a daily basis i had to be around people, and to top it off i was very sick. so i would put on my 'make it through the day' hat and go.

i discovered you on youtube, and i just want to say thank you, every time i hear or read your words just feel so happy, and you make my day. it is like for that short moment in time the parts of myself that i had burried in shame and fear are able to see the light of day. thank you so much for being you. you give so many people courage to do what they feel is impossible and overwheming. you have blessed so many of us with a feeling of hope and joy. you are a gift, and reading this post has given me what i need to make the changes i need in my life. thank u thank u thank u!!!

Greg and Kelli Rye said...

Kandee,
You just summed up how I've felt my entire life! You are the biggest inspiration I've had in a long while. I'm a teacher, and about to be a new mom any day now. I feel like, becuase I'm only 26, I still want to be cool, dress funky, have fun with makeup and hair, etc. But, I'm afraid my family, colleagues and friends will think I'm not fitting into my role. Tonight, you inspired me to ditch the role I think I'm supposed to play and be who I am inside my heart and soul. If I want to wear converse with a skirt and mismatched costume jewelry, then I will!!!! And who cares if I paint my nails dark plum/black!? From this day forward....it's all about making me happy first. After all..can you really make other people happy if you're not happy with yourself? Thank you Kandee. Muah!!!

becky said...

you really deserved it kandee. youre one of my inspirations!

~*Mercedes*~ said...

Really happy to see you have made it in the magazine..u worked hard for it...:D You're an inspiration..Hope all goes well for you and your kids..!~

Peace

Susana said...

I want to say that you have inspired me in so many ways! you are the first make-up artist that i started watching on You Tube and the one I am most loyal to. By the way, not only are you a wonderful make up artist, you are a beautiful writer.

Steffi said...

Congrats on that great article! :))
And thank you very much for those sweet kind words, you are such a beautiful person Kandee, for sure on the outside but whats much more important on the inside, the outside will one day fade but your warm heart will not, at least thats what my wishes are for you, that your kindness will never be destroyed by harsh people.
And you really are an artist, as I said before you inspired me to do so many crafty things and to make the most out of me. I'm sometimes embarred to say that I'm "just"a mum and housewife at the moment, because that somehow doesn't at all count as a job anymore it seems, only because it doesn't get payed. But then actually I'm pretty proud of myself that I'm raising this sweet girl and keeping the household together and the money in order ect, and maybe I can do something with my crafting one day, who knows:)
Anyway, I luv ya, everytime I come here and hear you in the vids or read those sweet words of you the sun comes up and you make me smile:)
*hug*
Steffi

dh said...

I looooove your videos and the way you teach! I learn a lot. I've always admired make up artist, it looks so much fun!
Greeting from Chile

alinaduarte said...

We are the one that really have to THANK YOU! I'm so glad that you've became part of my life since I first saw your videos on utube. We have to thank you really much because you've made us the most beutifull women in the all world just for giving us a simple key: self-esteem!
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING... YOU!

D-DN.Y said...

KANDEE YOUR SUCH A LOVE,
I CAN SOO RELATE TO WHAT YOUR FELLINGS ARE AT AND THEY ARE JUST WHAT THEY ARE FEELINGS THEY ARE NOT TRUE TO WHO YOU ARE THIS IS WHAT I CALL THE NEGATIVE TAPE THAT WE CAN CHOOSE TO LISTEN TO OR TURN THAT SHIT OFF!!! IT GETS THE POWER WHEN WE GIVE IT,YOU ARE TRULY A LOVELY TALENTED WOMAN WITH SOO MANY GREAT THINGS HAPPENING,ENJOY THE RIDE ALLOW YOURSELF TO TOTALLY FEEL THAT YOUR SO WORTHY AND EMBRACE IT.WE HAVE ALL BEEN HURT SOME MORE BUT I AM TO SOOO SENSITIVE AND MY HEART IS ALWAYS OVERFLOWING ALSO IN FEAR OF GIVING AND NOT RECEIVING,BUT WE ARE THE ONES WHO ARE TRULY NOT BEING WHO WE TRULY ARE AND THAT DOES NOT FEEL GOOD,KANDEE BE TRUE TO WHO YOU ARE ITS GONNA TAKE PRACTICE BUT BEFORE YOU KNOW IT YOU WILL BE SO FULFILLED IN EVERY AREA OF YOUR LIFE,YOU DESERVE IT AND I AM SOOO HAPPY I CAME ACROSS YOU,YOU HAVE AGAIN MADE ME REMEMBER TO ALWAYS BE TRUE TO ONESELF

Leni said...
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Leni said...

Congratulations, kandee. i love ur videos. maybe u can make a vid tut and show how to make a face smaller with make up, that would be greaat!
love ur blog && all that stuff, ur wonderful!

Ann said...

What great words of wisdom--just because something isn't your career doesn't mean it isn't what you ARE! I, too, have an intense fear of rejection and saw myself in the words in your blog today--too often I censor what I say or do because somebody will think it's "stupid". Thank you for reminding me that my words and feelings are just as valid as anybody else's.

And, thank you again for all of your incredible, uplifting videos. You are a breath of fresh air in a world filled with negativity!

Laura said...

Congratulations, Kandee! You are my absolute favorite "guru" and I always get excited when I see you have something new. This is a great post, so heartfelt and well said. You are truly an inspiration. Thank you so much for all that you do!!

Cristina said...

Congrats!!! I very happy for you and I love to see all your videos on YT. We're learning a lot with you.
Best regards from Spain :-)

SS said...

Great post!! Thanks for the wonderful words.

:-)

Marianelly said...

Being the winner is just a bonus...u didnt need to win to know that ur the best, to ALL of us thats what u are!!! but now ur re-assured that u are! hahaha so happy for ya!!

Jamesa said...

Hi Kan,

You are so amazing!!! You are such an inspiration to so many people.... you reach out and grab the hearts of everyone. I am so inspired by what you are doing and think that God has truly blessed you with an amazing talent to inspire and help others. Your dreams have become a reality and that reality has helped so many people.

I love you tons!

Jamesa

Char said...

Hi Kandee ! First of all CONGRATS !!! You totally deserve the elle video star award ! Rock on !!! Also I wanted to THANK YOU again for the awesome glaminars. You're truly an inspiration to me and hundreds of others. Also, you were just as I excepted when I met you. Very passionate about what you do, sweet and FUN! I felt like we were old time buddies when we hugged (finally after the security guard unlocked the door - hahaha). I just wanted to encourage and remind you that your worth is not based on others. You worth is grounded upon the Lord who loves you deeply with and without your make-up and/or career. Remember there will be people who may be envious and hate you just because. Seek your worth in your heavenly father. Here's one of my favorite power verses that I recite when I feel anxious. Philippians 4:6-7 (New International Version)
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Have a wonderful Tuesday sweetie. :) Char

LoveCelebGossip said...

Hi Kandee!
I'm SO happy for you! I wanted to tell you, this is how I found you...you're Elle video. Now I'm hooked! You're so pretty and down-to-earth. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE your videos! Keep them coming.
All the best,
Traci from Alaska

The Black Panther said...

Kandee:
You have posted two of the most powerful posts I have read about a person so much like myself. What's more, reading prior comments, I see there are more people like you and I. Why do we feel less important? If not us, than who better to be an (insert title here)? We allow our past hurts to scar us, and we waste many years shielding ourselves from people to avoid pain. Evidently we have had pain; but we SURVIVED. Look at you now! Watch out girly, I'm going to try and follow your path so I can work right along side of you xxx

Lulis said...

Dear Kandee,

Congrats! You deserve it! I love your videos, you made me learn a lot about make-up. :)

Lu Janson
Sao Paulo, Brazil

Ameesha Lee said...

This kind of positivity is *just* what I need to hear right now! Your amazing. :)

Ameesha Lee said...

This kind of positivity is *just* what I need to hear right now! Your amazing. :)

Ameesha Lee said...

This kind of positivity is *just* what I need to hear right now! Your amazing. :)

M said...

Wow, truly awesome. Inspiring, too. I'm so glad you are starting to be known because of your art: I've been watching your videos for some time and I love them, not only what you do but also how you do it. You really shine witih happiness and lots of life and joy and I hope this is only the beggining. Lots of kisses&smiles from Spain!

tenshikiss said...

hi kandee:)
i've always loved watching your videos and reading your blogs, but this particular one hit a soft spot for me. how you felt so many years ago about your hesitation in telling others that you were a makeup artist is exactly the way i'm feeling now as a "wannabe" jewelry designer. i would tell people what i did for a living during my regular mon-fri 9-5 day job, and downplay my jewelry as merely a hobby. even now i have a hard time mustering the courage to say those words without feeling some sort of embarassment and reluctance because i can't quite yet make a living off it on that alone, but reading your thoughts gave me the encouragement i needed to just go out with my head held high and proudly tell everyone what i really am:) life is too short to just sit back and not go after your dreams because of fear of failure or rejection! :) thank you so much for sharing a lil bit of your history with us and for giving us all that gentle and loving push and encouragement:)

*hugs and kisses* y
p.s. i wanted to volunteer for your glaminars but never heard back after your initial email - if you ever need help in the future, pls let me know :)

misslawstudent said...

Kandee,
This blog had tears running down my face, you def are a role model an an inspiration to me. Thank you so much for taking the time to write this and to make all your videos. Watching your videos really make my days! Your just so talented and positive and you seem like such a sweet kind person. Im 20 years old and i really look up to you, you have taught me everything I know about make up and so much more, I swear you should do an advice column, your writing really had motivated me to pursue my dreams! Im in laws school and when the going gets tough I will def.read this blog again and again! Than you!

Lacey
all the way from Miami
(where your next glaminar should be :) )

Suki said...

I'm so happy for you! your blog has some of the best tutorials, and your art is truly wonderful!! don't be sad of rejection(who'd reject awesome ol you?) ...thank you for making such an awesome blog :)

Shorty said...

Yeah for you! I'm so excited about that article! I have a feeling that so many bigger things are heading your way! I just hope you don't run out of time to keep blogging about it so we can all celebrate with you. I wish you tons and tons of more success. Keep me posted if you ever head to Texas!

FeLiNa said...

pleasee write a book..it would be such an amazing one.. and i adore u! u have the cuttest nose everrrrrr !! xxx

Gigi said...

Dear Kandee,

I've only just started following your blog and I'm amazed by what you write about. You really make me feel like you're talking directly to little me, here in Denmark. I've always struggled with my self esteem and wondering wether I'm good enough at this or that eventhough people tell me I am. I just have a hard time believing that I'm actually okay, and that my dreams for the future are as legit as anything else. For the first time, I've finally figured out what I want to do with my life, and I'm going back to school in August. I'm 25 years old and I've been escaping from everything since I was 18, moving around, changing jobs, leaving people behind, all because I was afraid that someone would see behind my facade and find the real me. But I've learned that the real me is a great person, who's curious about the world and who wants to keep learning and growing. Your blog is a true inspiration to me, and to a lot of people around the world.
Keep up everything you do.
God bless you and I wish you all the luck in the world.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

xoxo

Gigi

email: gigigirly84@hotmail.com
blog: http://gigigirly.blogspot.com

Rae said...

I'm probably repeating what's been said a hundred times over, but I figure one can never get enough encouagement. I just found your site and youtube videos today, and wanted to say thank you for giving a frumpy mom who was pretty sad with what she saw in her pictures some motivation to try today.

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