Thursday, May 2, 2013

How To Let Go Of Bad Relationships

We are designed to love other and to be loved by others. People forget that in the world, and just focus on themselves sometimes and the thought of loving others:
A. Just plain scares people
B. They don't know how to do that
C. They are too selfish to care about others
D. Are afraid of loving others, in case they might get hurt or rejected

But I'm here to tell you, not all "relationships are created equal". And just because someone is willing to, or says they are your friend, DOES NOT MEAN they are a good friend and that you need to keep spending your time on them.

Be careful who you choose to surround yourself with, because whether you like it or not, good or awful, you will become like the people around you.

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” - Jim Rohn

*You hang around rude, sarcastic, negative people- guess what you are going to start becoming like.

*You hang around people who are materialistic, that only care about using people to help themselves, and just post pictures of themselves showing off everywhere - guess who you are going to try to keep up with?

*You hang around judgmental people who make fun of others, who care more about making them selves feel better by making fun of others- guess what you might be tempted to start thinking?

#1. You need to look at the people you spend time with, or who call themselves '"your friend".

#2. Do they make you feel bad. 
 -Whether they subtly try to make you feel bad, or they go out of their way to make you feel bad, that's not a friend. A friend loves at all times.

#3. Do they make you feel less cool, less important, less successful, less anything than they are?
- If they do, that is not a friend. A friend would never want you to feel "less than them" in any way.

#4. Do they just use you? 
- I have friends that have used me for something they wanted, and it hurts to see that once they've used you help them, they move on to use someone for something else. Part of being a friend is helping each other out, but that's not what I'm talking about...everyone know in their heart when someone is just using you, and then they move on to become bff's with a new person until they use them for what they want, then their on to the next. That is not a friend- that is someone that manipulates others into thinking they're friends to get what they want before they move on to their next "friend".

#5. Do they call you names or make fun of you?
-It's one thing to joke around with your friend, and you both laugh at your or their funny hair that day, or how you said something wrong and you both cracked up, but if they are just making fun of you, what you're wearing, what you said, how you talk- any of those. That's not a friend, that a "frenemy, they almost get a selfish pleasure out of making themselves seem funny at others expense.

#6. Are they mean to others?
- Any one that makes fun of others, is not cool in my book. If you have a heart, that wants to make fun of anyone for any reason, it looks like they have a small heart and a "small mind". People with big hearts love others and make them feel good, and people with "big minds" have an open mind and appreciate others being different, looking different, dressing different, and think it's great we're all not the same! It would be a very boring world if we were all the same!

Someone that talks about others behind their back to you, will most likely talk about you behind your back also.

#7. Are they a bad influence?
This can be anything from them being lazy and making you feel bad for being motivated, or they get bad grades and make you feel bad for studying, or they do things you know is wrong or even illegal.
Even a friend that is really materialistic and only cares about money and fancy things can be a bad influence! ha ha ha

 Analyze, Listen to your Heart, and Make A Decision
If any of your "friends" make you feel like any of the ways above, it's time to get away from those friends so you can make time to make some new real friends.

I am naturally a really happy, positive person that doesn't make fun of others, but I have had friends in the past that were negative, sarcastic and made fun of others. And it made me tone down my happiness, and if they were all complaining about things, I felt like an outsider for not joining in and I couldn't stand being around them for very long.

I've also had friends that used me for something, pretended to be a close friend, then when they got what they wanted, they went on to be besties with the next person they could use.

 1. Stop spending time with your "toxic friend".
-If you are spending your time hanging out with "bad" friends, how are you ever gonna have room to meet new friends.

2. Stop Following Them on Their Social Media
- Now that social media is a part of our world, this is an extension of having them in your life and thoughts, and the negativity and negative way the effect you can still be felt through someone's instagram feed, tweets and faceboook. As we all know, people mostly use social media to show off the "coolest" part of their day or life, or to complain! ha ha ha

3. Learn the Art and Awesomeness of Being Alone
-yes, in school this may seem like the sign of "huge loser-dom", but I and many people I know, were all a part of the the "I ain't go nobody to eat with group". But how are you gonna meet anyone new if you're busy with all your old meanie friends anyway! This is like the person who's never single and free  to meet the right person, so they just keep dating the wrong person, because they're afraid to be alone. Well you're not going to meet anyone unless your single! ha ha ha

-and, I've even gone to the movies by myself, which is awesome. No one is talking your ear off during the good part, or annoying you with how loudly they are chewing their popcorn! ha ha ha

-annnnnd, in the adult world, anywhere you go during lunch time, you'll see tons of people on their lunch break, doing guess what?!? EATING ALONE! ha ha ha ha

-Starbucks has turned "eating or, drinking" alone into an art, where people sit by themselves for hours in Starbucks....all aloooone!

You are precious, awesome, and one cool individual that deserves to have friends that think the same thing. If you have a friend, that just makes you feel bad in any way, then it's time to sail on the sea of finding a new friend. One of my dearest friends, was met when I wasn't even looking: we both worked at a job we didn't like, and I didn't even think we'd become friends, now she's one of my dearest friends.

Just like jeans, it's not about how many you own, it's about having that one pair that fits great! You don't need a closet full of poorly fitting pant-friends, one just need one pair-friend, that fits you just right!

And always remember, even if you feel all alone, I'm like your "virtual bff", even when I'm sleeping you hang out with me in my videos on youtube! hee hee

Huge BFF hugs and lots of love, your homegirl, pal, friend, Kandee

PS. Wait til you see the video I'm uploading tomorrow! It has someone, very, very famous...that I cannot believe said they are a fan of me...and I send hugs from me and them too! hee hee hee Wait til you see!


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