Friday, August 10, 2012

My first video back in a long time...


Now I know many of you that come and read my blog or peek in everyone once in a while here...may have known that I my dad was taken to Heaven...
My heart has been broken...no it hasn't been broken, a piece is missing...
and I just haven't been able to try to be my normal, cheerful self, in a video. I've tried a few times and nothing was working out.

Many people keep asking me on twitter, facebook, youtube ...but it just hurts my heart to have to keep typing replies as to why I haven't been posting videos on youtube.

This has been the longest I have ever gone without uploading a video on Youtube since I started.
And I have been honored to hear your comments that I am missed on Youtube- it always makes your heart feel loved to know you are missed somewhere.

So here is my first video back...it's not like any of my other videos.
It's under 4 minutes (which I never do! ha ha ha)
It was very hard to make, to edit, to watch, to type...I've been working on it for a few weeks. I 've tried to upload it several times and couldn't.
 Tears have poured down my face to make this.  I hope that maybe some of the words may comfort someone's heart who's lost a love one...at least a little.

I hope you can feel the love I am sending you. To everyone who's lost a loved one...my heart breaks for you. Please feel the hug I wish I could give you in person. Feel love that I want to send from my hurting heart to yours.

And here is my first little, video back....
I love you all so much and I can't thank you enough for your love, support through this hard time, and your kind words of encouragement. I will be back on Youtube...my dad wouldn't want me to stop. I'm gonna show him what I've got!

This song in the video is "Where I belong" by Building 429- it has special meaning to me, because I heard it on the way home from driving a car full of my dad's things home on father's day. I had never heard this song before...and when I did I felt so much comfort that this is NOT where we belong...and tears ran down my face. I love this song

Huge love, your kandee

PS. Don't let the hurt of your past (no matter how awful it may be) , ruin your hope for the future.

If you wanna something a little more on the fun side, click here to see my PANTS to SHANTS project. :)

50 comments:

Greg said...

The Sad Little Girl. I choked up when I saw this. Your daddy would be so proud of you Kandee and it makes me miss mine. Actually both my folks. Love always and take care.

Hannah S. said...

My heart goes out to you Kandee. I have lost a lot of loved ones..... But nothing compares to what you have gone through. I know God has given you this obstacle to test your faith and strength. And you have been a beacon of his love and light...bright enough for everyone to see!!!! Your dad is for sure smiling down on you everyday that you show the Lord true work of art....and thats Love, Faith, Hope, and Courage!! <3 love your blogs!!! You are not alone Kandee =o)

Anonymous said...

Your dad is asleep not in heaven
yet -read your Bible.
Love
in Christ-

Anonymous said...

My prayers go out to you and your family. I lost my brother to a car accident on at the end of last year and it completely changed my world forever. He was the sweetest and most giving person I've ever known and will come to know. But find comfort in God's promise to never leave you nor forsake you. I'm currently reading Matthew West's book "Story of your Life" and it's wonderful, you may want to give it a read. Use this pain to draw closer to God so that when you're called home you two will be reunited.

Loretto said...

Take as much time as you need, but know that you are missed! All my love and strenght to you and your beautiful family! <3 <3

Marita Nordli said...

Kandee, I'm so sorry for ur loss!<3 I hope one day you will be able to make videos again! <3 Almost three years ago I got really bad depression and hated life. But then I found your videos here on youtube, and everyday i watched one video and a little smile found it's way to my face!! You lighted up my day and you always said some sweet words or told your viewers that you loved us and we're all beautiful. I don't think you know how much you've helped me through hard times!! I really wish I could give you a big hug , hold you and make sure everything in your life will be okay!<3 You are the sweetest, kindest, most beautiful person on this planet and you have a big heart!<3 thank you so much!! You are my idol<3

Siobhan said...

Beautiful. Eloquent. Touching. Poignant. My heart hurts for you. Much love from a Scottish friend.

Anonymous said...

There is a song that says. ,,, I might let you bend but I wont let you break. And I think that this is your bending just remember God wont let you break. Take each day and be thankful for something each morning and it will get better. We love you kandee!! I am always praying for you, God has a great plan for you I know it.

Anonymous said...

Let her believe what she wants. Encourage her through her time of tears and pain, not becoming more if the reason for it

Anonymous said...

Touching...i crie with you...is now with God...i m praying for you and or family.courage my beatiful friend!!God bless

Anonymous said...

So sorry Kandee. We all love you and are here for you, even though we don't know you. You'll never be alone ;)

Anonymous said...

Care enough to tell the Truth,which never will cause anyone, more tears or pain.
My prayers are with you Kandee.
Peace be with you.

Anonymous said...

Kandee, my prayers have been with u and your family since the first day u posted about ur dad. You r brave to even attempt making a video so soon. You r an inspiration n are loved by so many people. We will wait for u until ur ready to come back, so there is no need to hurry. One of ur many loyal followers...

-Crystal

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing Kandee. I can see how hard this is for you, I am so sorry for your loss. I think it's so great the way you encourage and inspire all the people around you! You inspire me everyday! One day we will all be united in the kingdom of heaven, and it maybe so much sooner than we all realize! Until that amazing day, I pray God gives you peace and understanding. Love, Sarah Sanchez

Anonymous said...

I can't imagine what you're going through, but you are such an inspiration to all of us that follow you. I had gotten into a big fight with my mother yesterday and was determined not to talk to her for a few days (easy to do since I live 500 miles away). But after seeing your post and watching your video, I called and told her how much I love her. Thank you for being who you are and having a great personality and love for everyone. Take all the time you need! We will all be anxiously awaiting your return :)

Anonymous said...

the whole world (including me here in austria...) is feeling your pain, praying for you and crying with you kandee!

you were helping me for years and you turned me into a better person. I am thankful for so many years full of inspiration, joy and happiness!

I would do everything to take you pain away!
You did so much for me and I feel so helpless right now not to be able to give something in return...

You are the most beautiful person with the purest heart and strongest personality I've ever known.

Please keep holding on. God will help you and we do need you!

XOXO
Marlene

AngelaLynn said...

WE LOVE YOU KANDEE!! Stay strong! We are all here for you like you have been for us :) *BIG HUGGSS*

-Angela

Wiles family blog said...

i felt your pain and cried with you. when i lost my grandpa i cried the exact way as you, trying to hold back but wantibg so bad to break down and scream. you helped me realize the emotions i felt were normal :) its been a month and last night i thought of his face while cleaning my kitchen, then i blanked out and balled, nothing will be able to rid the pain from your heart like a good cry so dont be ashamed. love and best wishes

animal freak said...

Your a big inspiration to me! I look up to you. Keep it up and don't forget there's always people who are here if you need to talk. Hugs xoxo

Anonymous said...

Sending love your way. When God took Mom I felt like the world ended and couldn't understand how no one could see how broken I was and expect me to go on. The last thing she said to me was "This too shall pass." and she gave me the biggest hug. I am sending you a hug and the promise that this will pass. The pain will ease. God will carry you and one day we will all be together again.

Yaniss said...

That was beautiful. Kandee your true fans will wait as long as you need. We are here for you. Its okay. Take the time to heal, everyone is different. But always remember " Make tomarrow better then yesterday!". peace and love may be with you always<3
-yaniss

JRS87 said...

I just what to say my heart,thoughts,and prayers go to you right know Kandee , I have never lost a parent so I cant say I know what your goung through but I have lost loved ones , I just,recently lost my grandpa to colon cancer, and I am going through a tough divorce not in my plans but need to happen so any way ,I do know a least the pain your going through , I hope for better days and God to bless you and your video help me and made cry at the same time I felt hurt for u , so sorry Love Jamie

Anonymous said...

Dear Kandee I'm so sorry for your lost ...
The pain for a lost person will never go away but we learn to life with the pain but it's a long long way to learn !

Anonymous said...

Hey kandee, my prayers and thoughts are with you. I've been saying a prayer for you and your family ever since I heard about your dad. My aunt die 2 weeks before Christmas last year so I know this pain your feeling. If you have a bible on hand you should check out: John 11:1-44. I know it maybe long but it may help. By the way my name is Sarah

Anonymous said...

You didn't need to tell her to read her bible. That was what was mean.

jennifercoe said...

I still have tears from crying so hard. i am so sorry you had to loose your dad. i can't even imagine what you are going through. Youre a wonderful person whose touched so many lives. Youre dad is very proud of you. be you and stay true to yourself. be there for your family and especially your kiddos. What you went through must of been so horrible, but you will always have daddy with you and he is now protecting, Watching, laughing, smiling. over you and your family. Youre a great daughter, mom, sister, aunt, friend, idle and mentor :) Have the best day... You deserve it!

Celeste Nichols said...

Kandee you are a very encouraging loving giving person. I am sure that is because of your Dad. I am very sorry for your loss. You take whatever time you need to heal your heart. Any caring person would understand. Sending you big hugs.

Tinka

Rebekkah said...

I don't know about anyone else.. but when Kandee send her love through videos or blogs.. I really feel it. I love you Kandee!

Anonymous said...

Our paths will probably never cross but you have been such an inspiration to myself and so many others. I pray for peace for your heart. God bless you and your family as you are truly a blessing. I love that song by Building 429. Mercy Me has a song called The hurt and the healer. If you haven't heard it you should look it up. Its a beautiful song. Take care and take all the time you need.

Anonymous said...

Are you kidding me? You're kidding me right? First of all, do you not have any tact at all? Second of all, you need to read YOUR Bible. Absence with the body and present with the Lord. Our spirit goes to Heaven (if we are born again) the second we die.

Hugs kandee. I love you!

Anonymous said...

Sending a big hug from England to you Kandee. You are like an angel and a sister to many with your love and positivity. Your Dad must be so incredibly proud of you as he watches over. Love Julia xxx

Marybeth Raymond( I forgot to mention that you're so beautiful!) said...

Hi Kandee! You inspire me so so so much! I'm 18 and I've alway wanted to do make-up but everyone tells me there's no future in it but I want to do it because of you, all of your videos make me so happy. You're such an incredible person and I adore you for being such a positive person because I'm the same way. When I have kids I aspire to be a mom like you. I discovered your videos a couple days before your father passed and I was so excited to see new ones and when I found out what happened I just decided to watch all of your videos on both channels lol. All I can say is you're so strong and incredible and I love you so much!

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry Kandee for your loss. Take how long you want to heal heal. But you know we are hear for you!!! I still can't stop crying I HOPE YOU GET BETTER!!

Take care love you!!!!!

Laurence Léveillée said...

Hi Kandee, my name is Laurence, im 17 and i know how hard it can be to lost our dad.. I lost mine two years ago, he was healthy and suddenly he had a heart attack. I know that our dad's are in heaven, and I also know that nothing will never take theirs places in ours hearts! Even if it's been two years I lost him, there's isn't a day that I don't think about him! The only thing a can say to you, is that time will be your best friend to be okay with your father death, and that unfortunately it always will be hard for you to think or talk about him! Well, I give you a lot of huge and kisses ! xxx
Your dad will always be behind you looking for you! <3 (and I'm sorry if my English is not perfect..)

Tanya Cortez said...

I love you Kandee, I am so sorry for your lost. The man up above has something planed for us. Plz stay strong beautiful and full of love.

Anonymous said...

When i feel like crying or if my hearts in pain i write a letter about my feelings than when im done i feel like ive let it all out n than i just rip the paper.
that might help :)

Clili0414 said...

Give your day to God every day when you wake up and he will give you comfort. Your family and dad are in my prayers. God bless you and give you his peace! 8)

Beauty Ninja said...

You could have expressed yourself more tactfully. Your comment doesn't sound very nice. Kandee can believe whatever she wants. She's hurting and doesn't need to read your snide comments. I lost my dad 28 years ago Kandee. Someday the pain will subside a bit. Not totally, but it will become more bearable. Love and hugs. :)

Aleasha Tyler said...

Kandee, please know that you and your family are in our prayers. I know how hard it is to loose a father as I lost mine 5 years ago to cancer, please know that God will give you strength to cope over time. Heal in His words
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted - Matt 5:4
All my love, In Christ
-Aleasha

Anonymous said...

Kandee you're sp brave and strong to post a video, your dad would be so proud.
We all love you so much, every day you bring a smile to our faces. Thank you for being a light in this world, and continuing to be one, even through the hard times. We love you so much, God bless you!! :)

Anonymous said...

I don't read the bible, I don't belive in God. But what I do belive in is respect for other people and their belives. And manors. Something your bible clearly missed ...


Love from Sweden.

Sue said...

Love you and miss you! Everyone has a different relationship with their loved one and also everyone deals with it differently. You had a very special relationship with your dad, your mom, dad and sister have something I've never seen and i love it. When the time comes the videos will start again, its still really soon. Don't be pressured we'll all be waiting. Your more to us than makeup. :) Love you!

Anonymous said...

I feel the same pain as u kandee, my name is ashley. And i no how you feel. When i was only in kindergaurten my sister died! She was like a peice of heaven to me, the niciest girl youd ever meet! Then that pain carried on then in june one of my good friends ryan died, ryan keneddy! Ill ALWAS MISS BOTH OF THEM! But there in our hearts kandee! I no im a little young to be watching u but u inspire me and my sister kimmi! Shes going in third im going into 5th we love you! I hope this message helped you! Bye.;*(

Anonymous said...

This is so sad the video made me cry 

Anonymous said...

When Christ comes, he will respect your beliefs to.
All good is wasted unless it comes through him. the most important thing is to Believe.
Only a follower of Satan would tell someone not to read the Bible.
Christ love you all and wants you all to live eternally with him.The dead in Christ, will rise first.
Hope to see you there!

nickydhair said...

My heart goes out to you<3

Jeanine Magana said...

This video was beautiful, thank you for sharing.

Anonymous said...

There cannot be a single person that didnt cry during this. Because I sure did, not even half way through. I lost my daddy 5 years ago when i was 10...boy do i miss him. The pain does lessen but our loved ones will always be in our hearts..I love the quote near the end about the flowers. Love you Kandee stay strong I pray for you<33333

Anonymous said...

I kniw you will make it and become even more stronger and more beautiful than ever. Tou will be in my prayers always. your positive energy sticks with peiple and brings out the best in them and makes them kinder. Thanks fir for doing that tou will be ok. God does have a plan for everything.
Plastic/jessica h.

Amy Coney said...

Kandee, I just came across your video about this on YouTube and wanted to share my condolences. I will continue to keep you in my prayers.

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