Sunday, June 17, 2012

The most tragic day of my life- I LOVE YOU DAD!

(me and my dad on Father's Day, last year)
 For the first time...I don't know how to start typing. I don't know if this is going to feel good to write again or if I'm going realize I am not ready to write again...
Last wednesday was the most tragic day of my life.
I got a call telling me that my dad had been in an accident and was no longer here on Earth.
I got the call just hours before he was supposed to pick me up at the airport.
To hear the words that he had been helping someone move and fell through a window, that cut an artery and that he wasn't here on Earth anymore- shattered my heart, my life, my thoughts, and the lights went out in my world...and they will never come back on without my dad.
(me and my dad on my 1st birthday)
 This has been, as I know it is for anyone who's lost someone they love, the most painful things I've ever experienced. My dad was my hero, my Superman...no, correct that, my dad IS my HERO, he IS my Superman.
My arms may not be able to reach him, but he is holding my heart.
I don't know when I will return to blogging- I don't know if it will feel good to write again or if I just can't yet. I don't know when I'll edit another video to put on Youtube.
The hurting in my heart is not describable using the word "pain".

At the top of this page is a picture of me and my dad on Father's Day last year...it feels hard to even think that Father's Day is here, and my father was taken from this Earth just days ago. To anyone else who has lost their father, or any loved one...my heart breaks for you. I wish I could just cry with you, because sometimes when your pain is so great- words don't help. One of my dear friends just called me and cried with me...crying unlike normal crying- this was aching howls from my heart.

Someone posted something on my facebook, something their grandma told them, and it has helped my heart, they said their Grama told them that "Sometimes God picks the flowers for heaven when they are at their most beautiful in bloom"...

My dad was the most encouraging, inspiring, and positive person. As I sat reading through all his texts and watching all his videos...he was encouraging me still. His words will live on in my heart. He lives on in my heart. I love him so much more than any limitations that our human vocabulary puts on emotions.

This Fathers Day...I may not have my dad here on Earth, but I can celebrate him from my little spot on Earth. I know, without a doubt, that my dad is in heaven. And just like he always made everything on Earth here, pretty for me....he is up in heaven making it pretty for me. And my life will never be the same without him. But I want to go forward in the rest of my life...living each day to the fullest, in honor of my dad.

My dad had texted me this:
"you never know how STRONG you are, until being strong is the ONLY choice you have."
Being strong is the only choice I have.
My dad was strong. I am his baby....I can be strong too.

My dad is, was, and will always be my hero. I cannot say much more, because my eyes have cried more than they ever have, my heart hurts more than it ever has, and the feelings inside are ones I cannot even describe in words.

My Grandma always said:
PAIN IS INEVITABLE
MISERY IS OPTIONAL
This pain in life is inevitable. But my dad wouldn't want me to miserable.

I can hear my dad, in my mind, telling me that "You can do it! You're strong!"

Oh dad! I love you so dearly...
And as my precious friend told me, "sometimes God takes things from our Earthly grasp, so that we may fix our gaze unto  heaven"....

I don't even know if this sounds good, makes sense, or anything...but I want to thank you all for your outpouring of love, kind thoughts, caring words....
that have truly felt like drops of love on my heart that has felt crushed beyond repair.

My dad is so happy in heaven...and I can't wait until I run into his arms again. Oh what a great day that will be. Until then, his words, love and encouragement will be the wind beneath my wings...

On this Father's day...
I am thankful that I have my Heavenly Father (God) and that I have my Father in Heaven (My Dad) ...they are home...and are waiting for me.

If this Father's Day...you are celebrating your daddy in heaven...may these songs comfort you like they did to me today, I heard this song today, as I drove home with a car full of my dad's things...




I saw in my dad's emails today....that he read my blogpost the day he went to Heaven. I saw that he read my posts every day...
And I know my dad would say: "You keep inspiring everyone around you!"

At this time I don't care about the latest beauty product, hair gadget, or fashion trend...all of that seems so unimportant and so meaningless. I don't know when I'll feel back to writing again or making my videos- it may be sooner because my dad was so proud of how I could encourage others, but after I write this, I feel like I can't say when because my heart still hurts.

I will celebrate today, this little Earthly celebration of our fathers...because I know my dad is smiling and knows how much I love him up there in Heaven...

And this is now one of my favorite videos of all time on Youtube...because it has my dad in it:



My dad always said, "Make today better than yesterday!"...
(if I ever got a tattoo, that's what I'd get tattooed on myself!)
and today dad, I will, I will make today, better than yesterday because I love you to Heaven and back....
you were the best dad in the world and now in Heaven....
there is no other daughter that loves her father more than I love you, your Kan Kan


"all I know is I'm not home yet, this is not where I belong, take this world and give me Jesus, this is not where I belong"


153 comments:

Anonymous said...

May your father RIP your article brought tears to my eyes. He's your guardian angel now watching over you smiling, saving a spot next to him in paradise with you. God bless

NessaVonTeese said...

Words can't express the how much my heart goes out to you and your family .I am very very sorry for your loss .

Eldersister said...

I am so sorry for your loss. The things you do to inspire people are not meaningless. Part of what we all love about you is that you are a ray of sunshine giving hope to people not just to LOOK good, but to FEEL good, too. Hopefully one day you will start to heal and come back to what you love so dearly - I know of your dad was supportive of you he would want you to return to what makes you happy.

Trish Mariee said...

Kandee I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my Dad when I was little and I can say its a hurt that never really goes away. I can't tell you how to feel but even with this being your last post for a while....it was still so inspiring. We all love you Kandee and I will continue to pray for you and your family!

ashlee said...

You are definitely a strong women. I cried with you as I read this. He was an inspiration to you as you are to so many! Keep inspiring like your dad would want ... but you need your own time to mourn to get past this tragedy. Take as much time as you need ... we will all be here for you when you return <3 ashlee

Anonymous said...

This is so beautiful.I cried reading this.I feel the same way about my father.You may not want to.blog for awhile if ever.but you will always be an inspiration to me,even at this point in your life where you probably.feel lost and hopeless.but your not,your a strong woman and so full of love and i will take all you have said to heart and love unconditionally and to find the good in everything even when all I want to do it cry.thank you for being who you are,and for everyday inspiring me.Your Father I know is so proud of you. :) keep your chin up and always look to God.

Anonymous said...

My dear kandee, I'm crying with you babe. You are a beautiful person and I hope you truly know that. Take your time to recover and remember that we love you and will be there for you when you're ready. Thinking of you, your mum and sis. Huge love xoxoxo

Anonymous said...

Kandee,

This really touched me. I lost my father a month ago and he was my best friend in the entire world. I'm feeling everything you are and my days haven't gotten any easier at all. I pick up the phone because I want to tell him things but can't. I wish I could be with you and just cry with you. I cry almost every day still. This is the hardest thing in the world to deal with. Take as much time away from everything that you need and spend it with your children and mom and other family members. My mom and dogs have Nade me smile and are my only shining lights it seems. I hope the best for you and hope your heart begins to slowly feel better. But this is something that will never heal throughout your life. When my dad passed away he was in home hospice care so I knew for 3 weeks it was his last. Some people call me lucky for knowing so I can prepare, but I wasn't prepared and I feel like I did everything all wrong. But idk. I feel your pain and it breaks my heart knowing other people have to go through this type of pain. I wish you the best. And if you ever want to talk to someone my email is trendyleopard@live.com

XoxoEmily
Sending love your way

Hyacinth Guimbatan said...

I'm so deeply sorry to hear this... I'll pray for you and your family. Here is scripture that has gotten me through some really rough times: 1 Corinthians 16: 13-14 "Be alert, stand firm in your faith, be brave, be strong. Do all your work in love." Peace & love be with you, your family and friends.

Rachel said...

Kandee my heart goes out to you and your family. I lost my dad 7 years ago and as much as it gets easier, it's still hard. Stay close with your family. Love on them that much more. Have peace knowing he is in heaven loving down on you.
Take this time to hold onto the memories you have. Tell you're little ones his stories. Cause even though he may be gone from here, he will live on through you and through them.
May you rest easy knowing he is in the loving arms of our Heavenly Father.
Take care.
Rachel

Emily said...

Kandee, my heart is aching for you as you experience your first father's day without your dad. This will be my 8th significant year without my daddy and my heart still feels just as broken. My prayers and heart are with you as you are grieving this tragic loss. Your dad's text is one of my favorite quotes. I hope you feel a small bit of peace knowing that. Loves and hugs! <3

Anonymous said...

I just read something yesterday "God will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born" I am so sorry for your loss Kandee. Praying for you and your family in this time of sorrow, but now Jesus has a great side-kick to guide you and your sister through everything. So much love being sent your way...

Melissa said...

I'm so sorry Kandee. This is horrible and no one can do or say anything to make it better. We love you and know you will be back because that is what your Dad would want. Hugs and Prayers.

Anonymous said...

When I was 15 I lost my stepfather to suicide. When I was 17 I lost my father to a pill overdose 2 months after I turned 18 I gave birth to my daughter. And I know my father is the reason why I was blessed to have my little girl.I didn't think I could go on without my father and then I brought this amazing child into the world.and I sware she has his soul. I think about my father everyday and it never gets easier. But I'd like to think he has blessed me with this amazing life. I am now 23 years old I've been married for 5 years and I'm about to welcome a little boy onto this world in Sept. And I promise you I would not have made it this far if or weeny for myguardiqn angel my father. So even thou I wish he were here I know he's the reason why I'm so blessed. Hang in there it will all be ok

Anonymous said...

Kandee I lost my dad in 2008 after his 6 month battle with cancer. There are no words to help you heal or even help you move on. It will be a personal battle but as long as you have him in your heart he will always be with you! All my love, prayers and big hugs!
Lacy

Regina said...

I love this blog , you are sooo strong i totally understand how it feels too lose a parent as i lost my mother a few years ago. There are no words to describe the pain because the pain never goes away the void never fills and for me i lost my mom when i was 14 and as the years go on its seems too get harder to think of everything she miss out on . I.know our parents are in heaven looking down on us and saving a special place for us. Im praying for your entire family and ask God to give strength and peace and understanding and comfort . Take time for yourself and reflecta and remember everything your father taught you. Keep his memory and dream alive .

Jacqueline said...

Oh Kandee.. I can't even type the things I want to say because it would never end. I am so terribly sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how your heart and your soul are aching right now. Your father seemed like a wonderful person and like the perfect dad. You are one lucky lady and I'm sure he's looking down on you and loving you and encouraging you to stay strong for him. Sometimes God needs his angels back and I'm sure that's what happened. You are truly an amazing woman and an amazing daughter. Don't worry about your blogs, your videos, or the latest and greatest. Just take this time to mend your heart and heal from this experience. We all love you and will be there patiently waiting your return. I send you lots of love and happiness, strength, good vibes and encouragement.

Brenda said...

Sorry for your lost Kandy.... I can imagine my dad playing his guitar with thousands of angels giving your daddy the welcome to heaven... This quote gave me the strenght that I needed when I lost my Daddy and sister abd I wanna share it with you... God broke our hearths to prove us tha He always takes the Best!!! God Bless you and your Family!! RIP Superman Daddy!

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I know there are not enough words or even the right words to say to you and your family that will make you feel better. Just know that you have a ton of people praying for you all. I pray that Heavenly Father wraps you up in heart mending love and that He comforts and soothes your aching heart, in Jesus name amen.
Love you Kandee.

Irene. 13 said...

Sorry for your loss, keep strong I know words can't help u at thus moment but remember that your dad is watching from heaven and he wants u to.be strong for yourself and your family.

Irene said...

Kandee that is such sad news. I'm so sorry for your loss. I pray that God heals your heart and gives you strength. You are such a sweet and amazing woman, and there is light at the end of this tunnel. My dad is my world, I can't imagine your pain. I pray that the lord take your pain away and give you peace. I'm so sorry Kandee :(

Sky said...

So sorry, Kandee. I'll be praying for your healing :) check out switchfoot's song This Is Home. He's finally where he belongs. :) love you!

Kasia said...

Dear Kandee... It is so beautiful what you wrote here. I still have tears in my eyes.... I am so so sorry for your loss!!!!! I can't imagine the pain your heart is feeling... I love you, we all love you!!!!! I'll be praying for you and your family!!! I hope you return someday to doing what you love: the blogs and videos... I know your daddy would like for you to continue..... And he will be smiling down on you from heaven and he will always be with you!!!! Wish I was there to give you a huge hug!!!! Feel me hugging you, as you always hug us through your blogs and videos... Now it's time we do the same for you!!!!! Much Love!!!!! XOXO

Anonymous said...

Oh, Kandee! My heart goes out to you! I lost my grandma one day before my birthday a few years ago and at the funeral I saw my dad cry for the first time in my life and it broke my heart. I lost many people in my life due to illness and old age. I never got to know my moms mother who died when my mother was eleven. Take your time to mourn, we all pray for you and all your loved ones! My mom found a quote that said that the best memorial for a person is in the hearts of the ones left behind. I believe in you and that you have the strength to pull through!

Unknown said...

Kandee i feel your for your loss i also lost my father 4 years ago there's not one single moment in the day that i dont think about him, the memories that surround The room thoses lil moments in car a certin song thoses tender hugs & forhead kisses ...but you are a beautiful women inside out & strong & have a incredible gift to make the world...a more beautiful place just with the flash of your smile i dont know u personally but i do love u everything much your words & videos have helped me so much & remember your dad is resting &.in a better place so celebrate his life & remember hes looking upon u from the beautiful sky & proud of the women u have become & will continue to be .....may god bless your family & u. with nothing but love& happiness
#huge kandee fan

memoriesx said...

I cried with you while reading this post. I am so, so sorry. From the depths of my heart, I am sorry. :( I can't even imagine. I wish I could say something to make you not hurt anymore, but I know that is not possible. Instead, I will pass on one of my favorite quotes:

"Death ends a life, not a relationship."

I lost my grandpa in 2008 when I was 19, and he was my very best friend in the entire universe. I still feel him around me, all of the time! I think things & direct them to him & every time I think of him, I like to think that he's thinking of me too. Your relationship with your dad is never going to go away.

Please stay strong. Just as your dad would tell you. <3

Deb C said...

Kandee, I am crying with you. I know those great howls of pain like your insides are being ripped out. My daddy died when I was 15 after a two year illness. I still miss him every day. He was my rock. The pain will ease, but never go completely away. I'm 42 now and crying today because I wish he was here.

You are a beautiful woman with an absolutely gorgeous spirit. Obviously your dad helped in what you have become! When you smile, he is there smiling with you. And through you. Hold tight to the love you have from him an your family. It will carry you through.

Shona said...

I feel absolutely heartbroken for you and your family. I can't imagine how you must feel. I read your blogs everyday and somedays you have inspired me to keep going, keep trying, keep reaching for my dreams...just in the same way your dad inspires you! Every second someone touched your heart will be another lifetime they stay with you always. Your father is a great man and You, Tiffany, Jordan, Allani, Blakey, Sydney, Elyse and tiny Audrey are a testament to him!
Lost but never forgotten RIP.

Alexis said...

Kandee I am soo sorry to hear about your loss!!!! I was in tears reading this and my heart goes out to you and your family!!! You father must of been a wonderful man!!!! May he rest in peace and smile upon you and your family forever.

suplols said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and your family.

Take comfort in knowing how proud your dad was and is of you. You are an inspiration to everyone and have helped so many.

To hear such sad words from your heart is devastating. We're all so acustumed to seeing your beautiful face with it's ever present beautiful smile and now your hurting, it's hard to bear.

We will all be waiting for you and praying for your hurt to heal. The pain will never go away, but it will get easier to deal with and you'll be able to look back on all your precious memories with only love and happiness in your heart.

Thinking of you and sending love and hugs,

Emma xxx

CandyGirl said...

My thoughts are with u!! Your father made amazing and talented woman!

Anonymous said...

I have no words 4u, I can't even imagine how it feels 2 loose ur dad. As I sit here reading this tears build in my eyes, and I try 2 move my eyes around so I wont tear, . I haven't lost anyone close 2me. I wish that the lord. Gives u the strength 2 become strong again, the understanding 2 accept his way. may he heal ur heart and send u the blessing ur heart needs 2 become stronger

Anonymous said...

Again, I'm so sorry for your loss. I understand how hard it is to go back to writing and what not, but you are an inspiration to all of us and you never know how your words can help others who might be enduring similar pain. It can help you too. You've become someone who I've enjoyed following whether it be YouTube or your blogs. So much that my bf can just hear the music from your videos and say "is it Kandee time?" Lol. Or that when I told him about your posts and what happened, both of us felt so sad for you and hoped you were ok. Time heals all wounds and I send you hugs.

Anonymous said...

Oh kandee... Im in tears... Im crying with u. I know how unbearable this pain..be strong. It will get better... :(

Anonymous said...

Kandee...my heart aches with you. May God continue to bless you and your family. Much love to you from me. I have been following you for years. So sorry for your loss but this will only make you stronger. Take care.

jessica said...

I started to be your subscriber a little bit ago but I love how you are a truly inspiration for those who have had a bad time in life. I can see how much of your dad you have on yourself. A little while ago I was reading the bible and started to ask where the angel are or even if they live between us. I found an article where it say that yes, they live between us, and they are just special and you can just feel it. So I don't know if it will make sense but I think you are an angel and your dad as well. May yourself not be able to heal but Jesus can do it for you.
Sometimes we are not able but Jesus. I'm really happy that you have a wonderful angel father who adores you.
The bible says that you will be able to see him again, his body may stay here but his spirit is alive.
I had no father in hearth because he never wanted me and he rejected me, and I know how painfully is this feeling but I feel truly bless because I have a real father who took and take care of me and he is always for me he is not just my father but my best friend, his name is Jesus and he is the best lovely kind father.
You are in my prayers Kandee and may Jesus give you a comfort and heal your heart.

cynthialo305 said...

I know Ur pain for losing someone truely close to u , my brother at the age of 27 died before my eyes and parents, a its been almost 3yrs and it still feels like yesterday, but the things I try to remember are the last things we did,things I never expected,how close we got and for u to realize how Ur dad even not living in the same house was reading Ur blogs is special ,u don't find out things they did till after they pass its nice to know cuz u get a little piece like puzzles u can keep , I would lie and tell u it will get easier cuz it won't but if u keep that faith in God he will help u get through this , much lo e to u and Ur family from one mua to another , be strong for Ur mom she needs you and so do Ur babies <3

Anonymous said...

Kandee I am so sorry for your loss, I just l just lost my dad 3 months ago and it hurts just as much every day as it did in that day in march. My heart goes out to you, may you take comfort that he is in heaven smiling down on you. Stacey

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry for your loss Kandee. You are such a beautiful soul. You're the first person I started watching on YouTube years ago. You and you're family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Love always
Maria

Anonymous said...

My words can't express how sorry I am for your huge loss... I'm certain you have heard this soo many times ... I wish I knew what to say to help you feel better... all I can do is pray for you and your family for God to comfort you all. OOx

Anonymous said...

Kandee, my heart hurts for you. I have no words, but I can assure you of this; God is carrying you now as He always has been. What better arms to be wrapped in than His. We love you and want you to take all the time you need. I'm praying for your strength and healing. I love you so much. I'm sending you the most heartfelt and comforting hug you can imagine.

Dena Jenkins said...

I have tears Streaming down my face!! I'm so sorry for your loss! The pain of losing a loved one in so indescribable and it hurts like nothing else you've ever felt. I lost my grandma 10 years ago and the pain still hurts. It gets easier, but you have your days. I pray with all my heart that God holds the hearts of everyone that loved him and he will comfort you! Hold those memories near and dear to your heart. Nothing can ever take those away. Know he is watching you and saying "you're a strong beautiful woman and I love you!" He is home now in the most beautiful amazing place and one day you will see him again. I will be praying for you and your family.

chelsea said...

Kandee, i've been thinking and Praying for you ever since I heard the news. Today in church the speaker talked about a song called blessings by Laura story (I think). Its a beautiful beautiful song that you should listen to. Also, as I was reading the last bit of lyrics you wrote...the same lyrics were playing on the radio. God is amazing.

" 'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops What if Your healing comes through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights Are what it takes to know You're near?

What if trials of this life Are Your mercies in disguise? "

Anonymous said...

I just cried after reading this... I am so sorry that you lost your dad, your superHERO.. I will pray for you that your and your dad can both live to the fullest on earth and in heaven each day until the day you two meet again! I never met my dad and he is somewhere on the other side of the world, but I understand how much pain that you are going through! I think the best gift you have now is all the great, awesome, warm and lovely memories that you had with your dad! Jesus loves you and be strong for yourself and your dad! May God always be with you and heal your broken heart... Love... Cara

From one coast to the other said...

Kandee, I am praying for you and your entire family. I know it may not be easy but I want to share something my father once told my mom when her mom passed,"to mourn and grieve is normal and you can't fix normal" I pray that you mourn to the point of peace(I hope that makes sense). "dear God, be ever-present in kandees life right now. I pray for a cloud of angels to surround her and love on her. Let her know your peace in the midst of a storm. I pray for healing of the soul in your timing Lord. In Jesus name. Amen" I love you

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry kandee!! My prayers go out to you and your Family :(
Your words are unbelievable, I never grew up with my dad but I know how important a dad can be. My daughter loves her dad so much. By your words I can tell how much you love him. My heart hurst for your loss it really does. My husband's friend lost both of his parents in a car accident last month and I just can't imagine all the pain that they went and still are going through. I pray for your family. You are a great person with a big heart and your dad must be so proud.

Lynsey Macdonald Makeup Artist said...

Kandee I cannot put into words how sorry I am for your loss. Your dad sounds like a wonderful person, and I can't imagine how tough things are just now. As you said, he would want you to be happy, and embrace life in the wonderful way you always have. Sending you a huge virtual hug and all my love. Xxx

flwergrl said...

What a great tribute to your father. My deepest condolences.

Anonymous said...

My heart goes out to you Kandee. I too recently lost mu father ans your words really helped my heart hurt a little less. You are a wonderful soul and have brought a smile to soo many hearts. I cant say the pain will go away.. but it becomes a little easier to live with it. From the bottom of my heart I send a big hug to you <3

Anonymous said...

Kandee i am so sorry for your loss my thoughts are with you and your family at this sad time! I cried reading this i can only imagine how you are feeling!i lost my uncle in feb and my grama a few weeks ago & i know its hard for me it must be 10 times worse for you losing a loved one is such a painful experience, know that im sending love your way. Your a strong women kandee u can get through it we are all here for you! Xxxxx

Anonymous said...

...what the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly...

Anonymous said...

If you read this kandee, which I hope you do, i am so very sorry for your loss. In difficult times, turn to your bible, for God is "near to those that are broken at heart, and those crushed in spirit he saves."psalms34:18. Almost 2 years ago, my best friend was killed in a car accident. Only 21yrs old. Though he was not a dad, or my dad, the pain was excruciating and even still I cry for my best friend. Isaiah 41:10,13 helped me soo much! God is telling us, promising us that he will help us through hard times. That he's right by our side, holding our hands to help us through it all! Rev21:4 speaks of a time when there will be no more death, tears, sickness or suffering! This past Wednesday was a hard time for me also. I stood next to my grandpa and watched as he took his last breath. Watched as he was carried out of our home while my dad, aunts and uncle followed behind. Watched as my cousin fell to the ground in hysterical sobs. Held my sisters and we cried together. Held my aunt as she told us all to always love one another and cherish moments together. Listened as my cousin told me to keep moving forward no matter what, because grandpa wouldnt want us to be sad like this. Of course its all easier said than done, but not impossible. To help conquer my fears there is this quote that myself and my 3best friends made up(one of them being my friend Dan who died) "Take it by the horns, grab on tight, don't let go, and scream!" To this day when a roadblock comes before me that seems impossible for me to get around, I pray, then I take it by the horns, grab on tight, don't let go, and scream!:) kandee I pray that you are reading this, and I pray it brings you some encouragement, maybe even make you smile. But most of all I pray that it helps you to trust in God and do not lean upon your own understanding. Sometimes we feel that when bad things happen, that's it. We cannot go on any longer. But that's not true. 1corinth 10:13 God will never tempt you beyond what you can bear. You ARE strong. You CAN get thru this. Time heals all wounds? That's what ive been told when Dan died, I didn't wanna believe it, and I still don't believe it. From my experience I feel time makes you used to the pain. It was always be there, a emptiness, and longing for that person, but it will not be as intense because you will become used to it. But no matter what, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, cause otherwise, you will sink and into a depression and it could get to the point where you cannot get yourself out. That almost happened to me, but many had help me to avoid that. I didn't eat, wouldnt speak to anyone, cried all the time. But if I continued on like that, how would I ever smile again. Give yourself that push, but when the time is right. You may not be ready now, but when the time comes, keep on blogging, and shower ones with your kind words, and sprinkle love on their hearts!:) you are very loved by your family, friends, and fans. My prayers are with you!
Take care. Much love! XOXO
~ Jazmin (jluvsp14@yahoo.com)

Silver_A said...

As I read this with tears in my eyes because I feel your pain. I can't help but to feel a little jelous of the one thing you do have....beautiful memories. My father never wanted or wants to be in my life. I don't know how it feels like to have a father and it hurts even more because I have never met my mother either, she died when I was still a baby, he is the only parent I have, and even as a 30 year old adult still hurts. Even though nothing can console you now, know that memories never die and you can wrapped yourself around over 30 years of them when you need comfort and you will still feel his love. After life, memories is the best GIFT.

Zoila said...

Let me just say that you are an absolutely AMAZING person, more than words can explain. Your Dad did a wonderful job with you and that's no doubt! Your close friends r crying w u over the phone but also know that your fans are crying with you through the Internet. As you sat there crying writing this blog, we sat on here crying reading it. And felt your pain, thank you for sharing your pain with us and for being there for many of us with your advice, encouragement and inspiration.

Anonymous said...

I'm so very sorry for your loss, my heart and prayers go out to you and your family at this very difficult time. You presented a very beautiful tribute to your father in this blog and I think I can speak for everyone when I say that through your video, pictures and description of your father we will all mourn your loss. He was clearly an amazing man and you have an amazing guardian angel watching you from the best seat in the house now. Just waiting to see his baby girl shine in the light you carry in your heart, in your soul, in your smile and all of your daily duties. I hope that this very special fathers day celebration helps you to remain strong and keeps the fond memories the two of you shared alive in your heart. May God bless you and yours in this struggle. We love you!

Unknown said...

Oh Kandee, i REALLY sorry for you, i'm crying. There is no words to make your heart feel good, but i want you to know that here it is a unknow person that have you on his prayers and who loves you, you are the only person that make me love you without even really meet you. I know the feeling for lost someone and don't even has the chance for say goodbye... All i want is maybe draw a little little smile on your face for knowing that someone on the world have you on his heart. I don't know if you understand what i want to write because i'm from México and i don't speak english very well... But i love you and i hope you read this. Huge hugs

Anonymous said...

Oh kandee, my love, my heart just breaks for you and your family. I know right now it seems like there is no comfort or solace to be found anywhere or in anything but now is the time when all that love and encouragement you've been sending out to all of us is going to come right back to you TEN FOLD! You are SO LOVED, by all of your fans, your friends, your family and, most of all God. With all these loving arms around you we will carry you through these dark times. Keep your faith strong and that beautiful heart of yours open. YOU WILL MAKE IT THROUGH THIS!
With all my love,
Kayleen (kwillia21@yahoo.com)

Katie said...

So sorry for your loss Kandee. I lost my dad in August 2010 and although there was time to say goodbye (he had cancer) the feeling of loss was unbearable. I love that your friend called to sit with you and cry. Always remember that your dad is still with you and your babies. You're a strong and amazing woman. Although it may take time, you will get through this. My heart goes out to you and your family.

cynthialo305 said...

That's a nice thought

elena Thomas said...

Kandee I'm so sorry for your loss! I know how it feels to lose a dad! My dad passed away when I was only 6 years old. I'm 30 now and till this day I can't really talk about my dad without Crying. It's one of the hardest thing. Just remember he is your guardian angel and he will always be watching over you an your family! After my dad passed away my mom always used to tell us that GOD TAKES GOOD PEOPLE TO HEAVEN. My heart aches with you. Big xooxoxox!!!

ARod said...

Kandee,
I can honestly say that you are one of the most inspiring, supportive role models I've come across. You inspire not only creativity, originality and inner beauty, but you also provide love and support for so many people you've never met. I can only hope that your readers and I can help in any way to warm your heart through this difficult time, like you've helped an touched so many others. Stand strong, Kandee. Smile knowing your father adored you and loved you deeply. God has plans for your wonderful father, among them becomin your own Gaurdian Angel. Please reach out if we can help in any way. Prayers and hugs being sent your way. Bless you and your family during this difficult time.
~Allison

Anonymous said...

Kandee it's heart breaking reading what happened to your father. I just want to hug you and tell you that your not alone. I lost my brother 6 years ago. And it still seems like it was just yesterday. I dislike when people say "time heals everything" I don't believe that time never heals the loss of someone. Especially someone that's your blood God just helps you deal with the pain that you have. The pain never goes away. It's always there u always feel like just a part of your life is missing everywhere you go. The only thing you have now is wonderful memories of your father. May God bless your family and all your hearts. Your true fans will still be waiting for you here and on YouTube. Take all the time u want kandee. We love you.

Anonymous said...

Oh Kandee ur right words cannot combat the emotions that we feel at such a time of despair but I found comfort in a poem that my grandma had left for us in her address book for that time .. If the could see the wonder if they could see the spleder of the place we go they would dry their eyes n wait with quite content . This helped me do much take care kandee xxxxx

Unknown said...

My heart goes out to yew and your family kandee. He raised an amazing, inspiring daughter who brings light into the life of strangers she doesn't know. Your words are a godsend and yew truly are one of the most astonishing person that I have had the pleasure of watching on YouTube and reading your blog for many years! Yew have taught me to never take life too seriously and live everday with a smile on my face. May your father rest in peace and I hope through this difficult time in your life that yew continue to have your beautiful smile and remember that yew are a strong young women who many watchers and readers look up to! Take care sweetheart and stay strong!

Lauren said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, my condolences to you and your family.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for your lose Kandee. I hope you and your family will always feel the love that your dad has ever given you, especially during hard times. My heart can't feel your pain but as a friend and someone who really admirers you I cry with you. Stay strong, just how your dad IS your hero you are a hero to many!

MissQuinceNatalee said...

My heart truly aches for you and your family right now. My deepest sympathy goes out to your family. This brought tears to my eyes, and I have not lost a parent, but just so you know this makes me want to go visit my father today and tell him how much I love and appreciate him. I read your blog on some of my harder days, and just know Kandee your spirit enlightens me more than you know. I wish I could give you the biggest hug and a shoulder to cry on. Stay strong during this heart breaking tim.

Anonymous said...

You are the strongest person I`ve ever known! Even though you're going to the hardest time of your life you think positive and are inspiring thousands of people!!!

Avril Lavigne wrote this sad song "When You're Gone" that expresses everything

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry And the days feel like years when I'm alone And the bed where you lie is made up on your side
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

We were made for each other
Out here forever I know we were, yeah
All I ever wanted was for you to know Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

Ruby said...

Kandee,

My thoughts and prayers go out for you and family. I cant imagine the pain that you feel especially today on fathers day, but reading about how a great human being your father was, remember him with positiveness and hapiness because thats what he gave you and your family. Yes, he may have departed this earth too soon and suddenly, but he is with God now. Dont remember his departure, but remember and celebrate his life as a great Human Being, Grandpa, Husband, Friend, and Father.
,Ruby from Colorado.

RaddRae said...

My heart breaks for you, your sister & your family, I wil pray that God will grant you peace during your time of grieving, big hugs love you!!!

Julia Hehn said...

Hugs for you... I'm praying for you. I'm so sorry for your loss. God is in every detail, He is Big enough for our big problems and hurts, and small enough to hear the whispers of heart. I pray God holds you and your family today and in the coming months. I'm so sorry. Lot of love and prayers are being lifted up now.

Cassidy Ziegler said...

I lost my boyfriend who was going to propose, last year on March 25. It was the worst day of my life. He was killed in a car accident and the lady that hit him head on is still free and enjoying her life, while me, our families and all of our friends are still missing him every day. The quote your dad sent you is true. I received many amazing quotes right after he passed and that was one of them.
I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. When I first saw your tweet I didn't even want to respond, because I know how exactly the pain you have right now. And I still have it every day even though im slowly moving forward. There aren't words to make you feel better and sometimes you just want to be left alone. I'm sure everyone tells you this but only time can heal your heart. It's the truth. I hated hearing that after a while but it was the truth. I carry him in my heart everywhere I go. I have a cross with his ashes in it in my car. I know he follows me and watches over me.
The events that lead up to his death did make me smile. He was the happiest he'd ever been. He had recently been doing everything he'd always wanted to do. Now I know why all that good was happening to him. God wanted his last days on earth to be the best days of his life. :-)
I hope you find peace in due time. Surround yourself with the people that love you and lean on them when you need to. My heart and prayers go out to you and your family Kandee.
~Cassidy Ziegler

Anonymous said...

Please just know we love you and are here for you. Dont rush back to the blogs. We can all be patient whilst your heart heals.
You will always suffer this tragic loss but be happy and proud that you got to show him your daughter. Lots of love, your heart is held in our hands.
Justine xxxxx

Amber Marie said...

Kandee, I was in your place last year when my father was taken by a massive heart attack too early in life. I had been wondering what had happened to you because you weren't posting new blogs and when I read your news this morning I was beyond shocked. I sympathizw with you because I have to celebrate my dad in Heaven too. No words will ever make it better. But you have a great family and wonderful children that will be there for you. My 5 year daughter tells me not to cry because poppa is okay now and I know its true. I wish I could cry with you. I would hug you and just cry. Im sending my thoughts, prayers, and love your way. You have a guardian angel now that's with you wherever you go. Remember the good times, continue to talk to your dad everyday, and be strong for yourself and your babies because its what your dad would have wanted. Im so sorry for your loss. Much love Kandee and family <3 -Amber

Bri said...

I'm crying with you Kandee. God bless you. I hurt with you. Praying for some form of peace in this tragic time in your life. I can't imagine the pain your heart is experiencing. No matter where he is, you will always be your daddy's baby. Never forget that.

Anonymous said...

So sorry to hear what happened, I love your videos on YouTube. You inspire with your hopeful attitude and optimism and I truely hope you will hold on to it. I'm hoping I speak for all of your fans when I say we will miss your videos but respect that you need time and we will be there when u return to us...take care of yourself and your family...

Carli Medina said...

Kandee,
Words can never be enough when you are going through this life change. I went through this 12 years ago, so I know how you feel. It has become easier as the years pass but there are moments when I'm alone and cry my eyes out. I lost my father tragically too, but as you know, our fathers are in Heaven making a place for us for when it's our time to come home.
Your father is beyond proud of you! Live your life to the fullest as he would want you to do. Prayers, and lots of hugs to you!!! Stay strong my friend!!

9bbd1e9e-b8c1-11e1-bbd7-000bcdcb5194 said...

Kandee, this blog brought tears to my eyes. While i ready this I was reminded of my father who is also in heaven looking down on my sister and I. Even though they are now no longer here with us, they are still in our hearts. You will be in my prayers along with you're family. Also take all the time you need to heal.
Love you Kandee and know your fans have you in there prayers <3

Trish and Aaron said...

Kandee!! I'm so sorry! I wish I could wrap you up and hug you and cry with you I'm always here for you! I don't know how Im not on your fb anymore, it's so weird I have been wanting to tell you I'm thinking of you, praying for you and living you from a distance! Your wonderful dad is now hand in hand with our lord, he is an angel in heaven and will forever hold your heart! I wish I had the right words to comfort you! Please just know that I think of you daily and I'm sending strength love and support along with prayers and hugs! For you and Tiffany! We all love you Kandee! Take your time getting back into things! We understand ;0)

Corinna said...

I am so sorry.

There are no words.

Im crying with you and i wish you and your family all the best.

I feel with you from Germany

Corinna

Nik said...

I've never experienced a loss so great, but I am so sad for you. How precious is that video u have to rewatch with your dad. What a treasure to cherish. Btw, he is so handsome!

Anonymous said...

Kandee that was so beautiful. He may not be physically here anymore but emotionally and spiritually he is and always will be. You cant touch the sun but you can feel its warmth making your day 10x better. We love you and all that you do to inspire us and if you need time to return, take all you need as we'll be waiting to greet you back with open arms. Just spend time with your babies and the rest of your family and let their love begin to heal your heart. We love you xoxo

Danielle Harris said...

Kandee i too lost my dad several yrs ago. He died from cancer. Im a daddys girl so it tore my world apart. Im 30 yrs old with 3 kids who cant see their grandpa except in their dreams.it is something you will always remember. The pain wont go away, but you have to know he is around you and your family. You will never be alone. Sometimes when im alone i feel his presence. Ppl say that is scary but its not. I will never feel scared because hes my dad. I know the hurt and absent part in your heart, and what gets me going in life is too know hes our guardian angel and he would want me to live life to the fullest because even though you only see him in your dreams, i promise hes right next to you all the time. I have seen my dad in my dreams. My kids have and my youngest 2 kids never met him but was able to describe him to me. So many dangerous things have happened to me and i know they didnt take my life or my kids life because our angel was present. Please take care of yourself and your family. Thats what our fathers want us to do. Your an incredible woman with a loving heart. Never give up!

Tiffanie Goodwin said...

Kandee- please trust that our Heavenly Father knows best. He holds the key to life and death, we hold the key to Heaven and hell. Find comfort in your earthly father's salvation. You must now develop a new normal. With love in Jesus....Tiffanie

Nicole Carbis said...

I lost my father little over 6 years ago. The pain will always be there but the thing that is going to get you through is the fact that you father loved you. Don't be sad on the fact you weren't there when it happen but be happy for the memory that you last had. The pain does get better over time but you have to let yourself heal and become human again (you could say). Your words make some many people smile .. You just need to keep saying them to yourself. Your father sounds like an amazing man.. Don't be sad that he is gone be happy because he lived.. You walked beside him for so long.. God wouldn't have taken such an amazing soul if he didn't think you could get through it..
RIP to your father and may his love and kind words guide you through.

Anonymous said...

Kandee,you make me cry with your words i understand your pain ,my dad past.away when i was 6 years old.Be strong for your family they need you.we love you

Anonymous said...

Listen to Matthew west save a place for me that song has helped me thru many deaths this past year

Anonymous said...

Hi Kandee- your words to your dad touched my heart. I'm sure he knew how much you love him! Love never dies. You seeme to be blessed with a wonderful man for your father. May he rest with God. We'll all reunite with our loved ones someday. You're a beautiful and inspirational soul.

-Stefanie

Stacie said...

I am so so sorry Kandee. You've got a new guardian angel now looking out for you.
lots of love to you and all your family.
Stacie

Kendra said...

I'm very sorry for your loss.

Anonymous said...

My thoughts are with you. I will pray for you right after I post this comment. I want to send you a BIG hug all the way from Iceland and straight into your arms, may you get all the strenght that you need to get through this. I will send you happy thoughts for each day.
My dear Kandee, I send you my hugs and kisses and hope that this comment makes you feel better, because you have made me feel better many times before with your blogs and videos :)
Elísabeth

Anonymous said...

Dear Kandee,
I'm terribly sorry for your loss! I'm sending all my love and strength to you and your family, may God bless you! I was already wondering if something had happened because you had not blogged for several days, and now that I read this horrible message I just want to let you know that I'm hugging you in my mind and that you are a wonderful, strong person! I believe in you and your family and I hope that someday the lights in your world will shine again! Thank you for being who you are and thank you for inspiring me each and every single day :) I have the feeling as if you were one of my best friends even though we have never met.
I'm dedicating all my good thoughts and all my prayers to you and your wonderful family! In my opinion the people we love never really leave us, they stay with us wherever we are!
I'm sure your father is in the most beautiful place now, as a guard for you and all the people he loved. may he rest in peace!
I wish you strength, love and peace from Austria (Europe).

Amanda said...

I am sorry for your lose and I pray for you to have the strength to go though this hard time. You are a very good person and your up beat and cheerfulness has helped me though many of the bad times I have gone though. So you and your family are in my prayers and thoughts.

Hannah Weber said...

I'm only 14 years old and I lost my dad 7 months ago. He had cancer and died in November. He left is wife and 6 kids behind. My 3 brothers are all under the age of 7 and they just don't understand. My youngest brother(4) always says he misses dad. My other brother (6) had to make his father's day presents to my other brother(7). We suffered the loss of my uncle on Halloween. A week later we suffered the loss of my dad. 5 months later we suffered the loss of my papa. All taken away because of cancer. My dad was my best friend. My family and I don't get along and all I had was my dad. I found out my father died when i was at my first Sabres game with my 2 younger brothers. I received a text from a friend. Then I called my mom and she said he did die. It was supposed to be kept quiet for me and my brothers to find out when we got home but it didn't work out. Not a day goes by I don't think about my dad. He didn't get enough time with us.
I know exactly how you feel. May your father fly high and rest in peace.

Anonymous said...

Kandee, I'm so sorry for your loss. This August will be 13 years since my dad has past away and what helps me and my brother on Father's Day is to buy balloon, filled with helium, and write messages to our dad on them and then send them into the sky. We will also do this on his birthday and on the date he past. I know it's hard now, but keep that smile on your face. Obviously your father was proud of you so keep making him proud! You're heart will heal and when you think of him you won't cry you will laugh and smile and think of all the wonderful things and good time with him. <3

Ryan-Marie said...

Kandee, my heart and prayers go out to you and your family. I'm so sorry for your lose. The best thing you can do right now is be with your family and friends and take time for yourself to mourn this horrible lose. Again I am so sorry you have to go through this. Your father will be your guardian angel and will be there for you in spirit. As hard as it is right now stay strong love.

Michele J. said...

My prayers are with you.

Anonymous said...

Kandee. When I first read of your loss my heart dropped in my chest. My heart aches for you. You are loved by so many and I hope our words encourage you. You have a beautiful family and a beautiful soul. They are a tribute to your father. My thoughts are with you.

Anonymous said...

Kandee i know exactly how you feel. I lost my mom 1 year ago on july the 13th . She was going to be 41 years old on july 17th . She died giving birth to my little sister. It was a malpractice. The only words i can say to you is that the pain will never go away. You will only learn how to live with it forever. Ill keep ypu in my prayers and stay strong.

Anonymous said...

Oh Kandee~
I'm sorry to read about the loss of your dad. I read your blog everyday, and knew something was up but was hoping you were only taking a few days off on vacation. I also know there is nothing I could write that will take away the pain and loss you have right now. My mom passed away suddenly in March, while it is comforting to know they are in heaven there is also our love for them that wants them here on earth with us! I hope you find your way back to blogging & YouTube, I know my life is brightened by your posts and videos. God bless you & your family, you are in my thoughts & prayers.

Daisy Aguilar said...

I knew, the moment u had no blog post on thursday, thar some bad must ofbe had happen. To be honest i was afraid to open ur blog and find out what it was. Kandee i dont have words to describe how sadden i am for your loss. May God give you and your family the strength you need to overcome your loss. Keep yourself busy and away from things that bring you memories of your dad... for now. Until the womb heels a bit.

Anonymous said...

Im sorry for ur loss its always hard for things like this to happen... Its wonderful he was such a great father to u... By being the best father he could be he gave u great memories and even better the strength to go on and make him proud.. U are ur fathers daughter and u will always carry him around with u and his memories, thoughts and love... All i can say is in so sorry... For every day he was alive it was a celebration of his life in this world,,, one more day to make things bigger and brighter... I wish tge best for u and ur family... Much love for ur family and u

Anonymous said...

Kandee, so sorry to read this today. Your blogs always make me smile. I hope you will smile again some day. Cyber hug to you and your family from Christchurch New Zealand x

Unknown said...

Oh miss kandee... My heart aches for u and your family! Please take your time to coming back to the blogs and YouTube, your loyal fans will be ready and waiting for your return when u are ready!!! Watching your pumpkin cheesecake video with the interaction between you and your dad u can see how much you adore him and how he enjoys making u laugh, it was so sweet!!!! Miss kandee, know that all your fans love u and that u, ur father, and family are in our prayers!

viva la becca! said...

Oh Kandee- I am so sorry for your loss. My dad died when he was 50 due to a heart attack- I was 20 at the time. My mother passed away when I was 8, so he was my mom AND dad. That was 9 years ago and not a day goes by that I don't think of him. But the amazing thing I'm sure you will experience will be all the things he will do to let you know he is still with you, always. Protecting over you and his grandkids. And you know- take a break from blogging if that's what you need- you take care of yourself. You will know when the right time to come back will be! Your friends on the internet love and support you!!!

LoolaHoop said...

Hi Kandee I am so sorry to hear about your dad I am crying for you it breaks my heart to hear I can not begin to imagine the pain you feel. I came to see you at your London Glaminar and your words you spoke the n may be of comfort to you now as they were to me then. No one has gone they are just keeping heaven warm. Stay strong. This poem may also be of comfort God looked around His garden And found an empty place. He then looked down upon the earth And saw your tired face. He put his arms around you and lifted you to rest. God's garden must be beautiful, He always takes the best. He saw the road was getting rough And the hills were hard to climb, So He closed your weary eyelids And whispered "Peace be thine." It broke our hearts to lose you, But you didn't go alone. For part of us went with you The day God called you home. My heart goes out to you and all of your family may your dad rest in peace.

Wendy B. said...

Dearest Kandee, I wish we could somehow ease your breaking heart, but there is no shortcut to grieving. You can just hold on tight while it washes over you. As someone who lost my dad at age 17 and my mom at age 24, now at age 41 I can say that you will never stop missing him or needing him, which is oddly comforting over the years since those feelings validate how much you really loved him, as he did you. Treasure the time you and your children spent with him and know he is always with you. Your tears are only the beginning of many throughout the years when you find yourself especially missing him. Allow yourself them, as they are your heart's expression of your love.

My prayers are with you Kandee, and my deepest condolences for your untimely loss.

Wendy B.

K said...

I never comment on things but I think this is an appropriate time for a first. Things like this just never make sense. Find comfort in your grieving with the ones you love and sharing memories. When we lost my cousin in a car accident there was one song that really helped me through it, "Held" by Natalie Grant. It helped me to cry everything out eventually find peace in my heart. I wish the same for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

c68da88a-a48c-11e1-8c34-000f20980440 said...

I love you Kandee. I am so sorry for your loss. Your dad is watching over you now as an angel And he is so proud of you and has a huge grin on his face looking down. He will always be with you, whereever life takes you, every single step of the way. I am so sorry you are hurting. You have always been such n inspirtation to me. There were days that I didn't want to get out of bed and I watched your videos and felt so much happier. You are strong, courageous, beautiful, smart, and your energy is contagious. I love you and am sending you hugs prayers love and comfort xoxo

Karen said...

Kandee,
My heart is broken. Your Dad was my best friend. I live in Zlas Vegas so I didn't get to see him as much as I'd have liked, or meet you guys, but I spoke to him every day for 2 1/2 years. I will miss him, his positive attitude, his goofy jokes and his contagious giggle everyday of my life. And the times we did spend will be some if the happiest memories of my life. I've never met anyone even remotely like him.
I want you to know in the last year, your Dad was seeking God with all his heart and I'm going to believe God had a job for him in heaven- maybe the angels needed a motivator... And that guy could do it. I don't think there's anything he couldn't have done. But I know, I KNOW he's in heaven. If you get the chance- listen to James macdonald in Walk in the Word- he was his favorite.
I don't know how I'll get through a day without him, his funny texts, his cards loaded with glitter, and my happy first of the months. My heart is so shattered.
He used to tell me his mom said he could be a great soldier for God... I'm thinking he's up there leading the army now... And he'll rock it.
When he spoke if you girls and the kids, his face glazed over- you could actually almost touch the live he had for you...I hope you know that.
I hope someday this pain will go away, for all of us. You know he'd be mad if we didn't get up and get going again... Hed Double Dog Dare us...
I will keep him and you and your whole family iny prayers. I'm in his phone if you ever want to speak. I could share so many happy memories.
I'm so sorry and so sad... And I will miss him forever.
Karen

TopFuelPrincess said...

My heart goes out to you Kandee. My best friends dad has cancer and we thought he was gonna leave us all last weekend. I feel terrible for your loss and going through the emotions of last week for me and my friend I understand what you are going through except it is ten fold. I know you will make it because like your dad used I tell you you are strong and you will make it. I love you and your family Kandee and I am so sorry for your loss.

Anonymous said...

Kandee
I am deeply sorry for your loss. I was truly saddened when I read your blog and realized why you hadn't wrote for a few days. My heart and prayer go out to you and your family. You are a wonderful person from the inside out and I know your father looks down on you and is proud to have a daughter like you. Please take care of yourself and your family .

Maritza Mendoza said...

This whole time reading this jus made me cry... My heart hurts for u kandee cuz u were always that happy inspiring lady that I looked up too I love Ur videos, post, and Ur inspiring words that helped me get through some hard times. I personaly think Ur such a great person! I can't even imagine such a thing. I hate seeing such a sad depressing kandee as I'm typing I'm crying! I kno u will get through this kandee Ur dad may be in heaven but hes also living in Ur heart jus know he will always be there every step of the way! A simple gust of wind could be him surround u with his love showing u he's there is how I would think of it! My condolences to u and Ur family kandee I pray u all get through this! I love u and wish u the best God bless!<3

Anonymous said...

My heart goes out you. Im so very sorry to hear that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family

Margarita Reyes said...

Ohh kandee i am crying w yuu...it breaks my heart to see someone as nice as yuu in so much pain...i know i dont know yuu but i feel like so close to yuu...i am in tears right now because i can imagine how uch pain yuuare going through just thinking about my dad not being here with me makes me tear up and knowing that i take him for granted makes me wanna run up to him n apologize...i am so deaply sorry n keep being the strong woman that yuu are and know that yur dad doesnt want yuu to be sad...he wants to see yuu happy..he wants to see yuu smile...yur dad is in a better place where he is very happy by god...i feel for yuu n yur family
~mago

Anonymous said...

kandee, i have to be honest i havent been able to relate to ur pain and suffering that u are feeling right now , but ur father would be so proud of ur strength and how ur dealing with this horrible loss but im sitting on my bed in dublin ireland reading ur blogs and watching ur videos cos they make me feel happy and right now u can count on us (ur fans, followers, family and friends) to help u through tgis tough time but just remember weare all here for u kandee and we understand we cant expect another blog update or vid for a while<3 feel better and WE send u OUR love "from our house to yours" a quote from the wonderful kandee herself! Xo

Meagan said...

Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family Kandee. Millions of hugs to you!

Anonymous said...

So sorry to hear of your loss. I wish I could take your pain and sadness away. Sending you and your family lots of love and hugs. I look foward to hearing from you again. I love watching your videos and reading your blogs . Take care sweet Kandee

Anonymous said...

My dear Kan Kan...

I don't know if you will ever read this, but I hope to bring a little confort to your heart by this moment. Years ago, I've lost my grandma... I miss her still. My aunt, many many years ago, has lost her 6 year old daughter. And she once told me... "the first Christmas without her, was so tuff. Next's year, was a little bit easier, and the next, and the next, and the next" and the pain, will not go away, but we learn how to live with it. I miss my grandma up until now. I will always miss her. But I'm sure they are in a such
better place now. Right now, unfortunally, there are no words that will relief your pain. But, yes, my angel... God works in misterious ways. Sometimes
we cant understand Him. Why? I don't know. Just be very sure that he is in a better place now. As for us, who continues here, we will have to learn how to live and go on. And we have learnt with the best. They are the ones who showed us how. As you have been my inspiration so many times, I hope that you feel better now, that I love you and care for you. For so many reasons. I will pray for you and your family. Believe in God now. He took one of his angels to be near Him. We all love you, Kandee. And you are not alone. This too will pass, my dear.

With all my heart, your brazilian friend, Iza

Anonymous said...

I lost my dad about 9 months ago. Your world will never be the same. The only wonderful thing about this is you never have to watch him grow old and suffer. Always miss him. So sorry!! Thoughts are with you.

Saskia said...

Words cannot describe how I felt reading this on Sunday. I immediately told my sister about you and your loss and it brought her to tears, too. Yesterday my step father, who was like a father to us, suddenly died in an accident. He was on his motorbike only to get it checked and now he will never come back. Your article was almost like a sign. I really know how you're feeling!

Metalmakeup32610 said...

To my dearest kandee I am so sorry about what happened... I was and still am speechless about what happened .. My heart and condolences goes out to you and your family . You take as long as you want for the videos and blogs .. You deserve it .. Be a strong woman that I know you are. Again I'm so sorry and yes your father is looking down on you and you will see him again :) just make sure you always know that! All of your fans and I care for you very much :) just stay as strong as you can be with a lot of love and hugs :)

Anonymous said...

Dear Kandee,
I am so sorry for your loss, I can't even begin to imagine the pain you and your family must be going through. I read this on my way to work this morning and it broke my heart.
I really hope you read this because you are such an inspiration to me. Because of your videos I finally decided to pursue my dream of becoming a makeup artist. Your father was right, you are so inspiring to everyone and I think it's amazing how many people you've been able to reach by sharing your passion through your videos and blogs.
But most of all you have beautiful children who look up to you and who are inspired by you every day, just as I am sure they inspire you. Let them be your source of strength.
Your dad will live on in your heart as you said and I do believe he will always be with you guys. Everything he ever taught you and all the memories are yours forever and nothing will ever take that or his love away.
I wish you the best Kandee.
Lots of love from Spain.

Anonymous said...

My heart goes out to you and your family. I will be praying for you. I wish I could give you a hug and cry with you. Know that your dad is in heaven watching over you and that he wants to see you continue on in life and enjoy every moment as if he were still here. My boyfriends mother told me she isn't afraid to die and I shouldn't be either and to know that we will be in a much more beautiful peaceful place. Live every day to the fullest and know that he is waiting in a better place for you. With all the loves hugs and tears I can offer - Ashley

Mandy said...

My heart feels your pain right now. I just lost my dad, my hero, just four weeks ago. Like your dad, it was tragic and sudden. My dad was also an amazing dad, grandpa, friend, mentor. I was definitely daddy's girl, and I know how you are feeling right now. It is the most horrible pain you have ever felt. Just remember that your dad wants you to be happy. He lives on in you, just like my dad now lives on in me. Every day has been hard and I know it will continue to be hard. I try to focus on the amazing 29 years I got to spend with my dad. It's very hard to process tht they are gone. Your dad was very proud of you. I pray for some peace for you and your family during this horrible time. He is your guardian angel now.

Jordyn Woodard said...

I am so sorry for your loss kandee. Losing someone that was your rock and hero is the hardest thing. My father always told me to remember that his blood runs through my veins and that he'll always be with me. Your dad will always be with you. No words can truly comfort you because this is a personal battle and only you can allow yourself to heal. You are a strong person and have so many people behind you for support. My blessings go out to you and your family. God bless you and do not worry, he has an amazing angel by his side now.

Anonymous said...

My mom always tells me "The best reason for doing right today is tomorrow " I lost my brother a few years back. And two weeks ago my sister in law was hit by a car and died. Now my bros 2 children are orphans. But all things work together for good to those who love the lord. It might not feel like it right now but it will get better. You'll always miss him of course but you'll find the strength to press on. Sorry for your loss kandee.

Stephanie Carter said...

Kandee,
I am so very sorry for your loss. I am keeping you and the family in my prayers. I remember this pain very well and would never wish it upon anyone. {{hugs}}

Anonymous said...

Kandee,
I'm extremely sorry for your loss. I cried reading this :'( I'm not sure what I am say but I would like to share a couple quotes. "Sometimes God takes te people we live because he needs them more than we do." "God gave YOU this life because he knew you were strong enough to live it." I know this is a hard time and your world is crashing down. Like its caving in on itself. But I promise you your dad is smiling down on you and your sister. Although I didn't know him personally, there is no doubt in my mind he is in paradise with his lord and savior. Be strong. We love you!! I'm POSITIVE he is so proud of you and your sister that he cannot express his pride in words. Sending love to you and your family in this difficult time,
Elle from minnesota

Anonymous said...

Kandee, I am deeply saddened by the loss of your father. I'm so sorry. I too lost my father, I was just a baby, but I always think of what could have been. I hope you continue to stay strong and keep him in your heart. I pray for you and your whole family. I feel like I know them personally from all your videos! One of my faves being the pumpkin cheesecake video with your dad! ((HUGS)) and God Bless you<3

valerie2452 said...

Praying for u and your family ... :(

Anonymous said...

Im so very sorry for your lost your a wonderfull persone and your dad will alwaysbe with u have an angel to guide u know take care and keep smiling you have a wonderfull smile :)

Natasha from QUEBEC!! sending u happy thoughts

Anonymous said...

My thoughts are with you and you're entire family Kandee :( This post broke my heart! It must be the most difficult thing to deal with but you are a strong person and will get through this. You're Dad will be very proud of you and is looking down on you with a big smile. Stay strong! Much love and hugs xxx

Anonymous said...

Why can't there be more people so caring I'm so sorry for your loss I read you blog and cried as I read along I can imagine how must you feel if my dad is no longer on earth as tears fall down my face my your father be in peace throwing one big party up in heave por Que la VIDA es mas amorosa con papa dios <3 [ he is saving you the best table there]

Anonymous said...

Kandee,
I know I can't even begin to comprehend the pain and loss you're going through, but just know that your dad loves you with all his heart, no matter where he is. He's safe now, in God's loving arms, and he's watching you, seeing what a good daughter, aunt, sister, role model and angel you are being on Earth. You are such an inspiration Kandee, to see the light in the end of the tunnel! You and your family will be in my prayers.

God bless you, and I love you.

Beautybelle720 said...

Kandee I just want to say how sorry I am for your loss I have watched your YouTube videos for 2 years and you are such an inspiration. I know people say they know what your going through and sometimes they really don't I haven't lost my dad but last year I lost my grandpa he was like my dad and it was hard and I cried for months at thanksgiving Christmas every holiday reminded me of him. And reading about your dad reminded me of my grandpa he was so encouraging. The pain will never go away and you'll always miss him but it gets easier. I know its hard but he's in a better place and he's probably looking down smiling and I know you probably wish he was here but he's in heaven smiling down and he has no more pain and sadness and I know I don't know you at all but when my grandpa died I watched your inspirational I love you video and it made me feel so much better and I am so sorry for your loss some times god does things and we don't know why but it makes us stronger and like your dad said you are strong just know your in my prayers and I am sorry again and I just wanted to thank you for inspiring me and it will get better and I am so sorry for your loss.
God Bless and I love you and I will be praying for you and your family. Briana

Norm@ said...

I am sorry for your lost its the worst nightmare I can think of. My dad always go with me to hospital drives me there can't miss him yet. Lots of kisses from the Netherlands. Hope you can find the power to overcome this difficult period

Anonymous said...

Kandee im crying . I'm so sorry for your lost. May god bless you and your family. Take the time you need to mourn. Losing a parent is so hard. I'm sure he is in the heavens watching over you. Kisses and huggies. God bless

Anonymous said...

Dear Kandee,
Oh, So sad to find out such a beautiful person like you've described your dad......you and a loving family like yours have suffered such an unexpected tragic loss. Having this happen so unexpected , and with having so many dreams ahead leaved anyone at a loss fo words. Hold your children , you sibblings, your mom. They will hold your tight. Love them with every breath. please allow our cyber comfort as well . You are loved and wish nothing more but to see you smile soon, when you are ready. Dont loose faith. Warmest hugs to you and most sincere sympathy.- Marie Los Angeles, CA

dragonweengs said...

The video of you making pumpkin pie with your dad was on my faves list before YouTube deleted my accnt. Sorry for the tragic loss of your dad. Honestly, death changes your perspective & I cannot say time heals, but what I do know is that you can learn from the time allotted and honor their lives by living yours to the fullest.

Rosie said...

I think I cried the whole time I read this be strong kandee your dad is with you I wish I could hug you may he rest in peace

Jen Jen said...

If at a lose of words was ever real I would say for me it is now I cried threw this whole thing.... I am truly from the bottom of my heart sorry for your loss Hun your father sounds like an amazing man who brightened the world he lived in I wish saying. That he is in a better place would make you some how feel at ease but I'm sure it wont about two years ago I to was struck with tragedy my mother was diagnosed with cancer and the thought of losing her damn near tore me apart so I can only touch on the surface of how you must be feeling she at the grace of God fought threw it...Katy I hope that the pain you are feeling will subside and you will not remember how you loss you father but for everything else l...and as long as he is in your heart he is never really gone because he will be occupying a space in your heart only true and worthy individuals know...

Anonymous said...

Kandee
I know I'm commenting on this later but I just really want you to know that I full heartedly believe that you will be able to see him again. I do not know what faith you practice but I know that this is not the end of life and he really is in a better place. You are such an inspiration to me and I truly appreciate your example. Much love,
Kelsey

Anonymous said...

I came to your blog for the first time today. I am a fan of your YouTube channel and the light and love you bring to my life in the few minutes you share of yours. First I want to say how deeply saddened I am to read of your father's passing. My heart goes out to you and your family during this time of mourning. I lost my father this past December. He suffered from Parkinson's Disease and fell victim to a doctor's carelessness. He was given a combination of drugs that caused severe depression so bad that within a week he shot himself. I had just returned from my honeymoon and had just celebrated my 29th birthday with him the night before. Unfortunately, I was there the night he took his life. My new husband held him in his last few moments and in that moment of clarity, could see the regret in my father's eyes before he closed them for the last time. You are not alone, my friend. Look to family and friends for support in this difficult time and know that time heals ALL things. Even the most tragic. If you would ever like to talk, I am here to listen. My YouTube name is cdiaz1282 and I am here to listen. xoxo

Nikkie said...

Hey MaMa....i have had a long emotionall week,dealing with my ex comming to visit our children for th 3rd time in 4 years:( and just plan rollercoaster of emotions!!! I came on here wondering where u have been and i found this:*(!!! My heart is hurting sooo badd for u hun..Im in tears...and they wont stop:(...Im a single mama of 5...who is blessed with a BEYOND wonderful dad..just like u and i dont think i could breath if i lost him:(.... He is the ONLY man(other than Gpas) who has never hurt me or lied to me an has ALWAYS been there even after i disobeyed or did something "questionable" lol... I have lost both my amazing Grandfathers n Grandmothers and many other fam n friends...but a parent...a good parent is a loss that i have yet to feel...Im so sorry for that accident and your AMAZING,handsome Daddy being taken away...He has beautiful,inspiring daughters that we all know he is sooo very proud of and i thank him for sharing YOU with US!!! May your Daddy rest in paradise until u meet again!! Love you Kandee!!! And stay strong hun!! Xoxo *nicol

Shayley said...

I know I'm just going to sound like every other commenter, but everyone is right Kandee, you're so beautiful and inspirational, and you truly make me want to do amazing things with my life. You make me feel like I can become anything I want, and even though we don't know each other, I alwas feel like you'll be there supporting me and encouraging me to do whatever I dream of. I can't describe how happy you make me! You are just such a good person. You are selfless, and you take the time out of your day to bring some sunshine into ours! I'm so sorry to hear about your dad, my heart breaks for you. I love you Kandee, thankyou for teaching me that I am worth something, you will always be my hero. Huge hugs! xoxoxo

Rachelcarlene said...

Oh wow this has put me in tears kandee! I'm so sorry for your heartache. My dad is battling cancer for the 2nd time and I'm so so scared. He's so weak even his speech is labored and I don't know how to be happy when someone I love is so miserable. :( I'm 21 and I don't know how Id go on without my best friend!

Chelsealane said...

Oh my I just bawled my eyes out, when Blair lost her best friend I made a video for her you may get something out of it perhaps? My prayer was it would help her through her sadness and that her joy wouldn't be stolen you're welcome to watch it it's about the beatitudes and it's a short video it's called "message to Blair" and my username is MrsChelseaLane.. This isn't spam and you certainly don't have to watch it but I really think you may understand where I'm coming from because you have the light of Jesus in you and it's so evident, whether you do or don't make videos anymore God will bless you in whatever you do and He will keep using you for His glory if you'll let him! Praying for you beautiful Kandee!

Unknown said...

John 14:27 PEACE I LEAVE WITH YOU, MY PEACE I GIVE UNTO YOU: NOT AS THE WORLD GIVETH, GIVE I UNTO YOU. LET NOT YOUR HEART BE TROUBLED, NEITHER LET IT BE AFRAID...( KJV) Read and Meditate on John 14 ... GOD, JESUS and the HOLY SPIRIT are the only way through. Also Jude 20 ...building up yourselves on your most holy faith by praying in the Holy Ghost. God Bless You and your loved ones

Anonymous said...

Kandee, my heart aches for you. In June I too lost one I loved, when I miscarried my baby girl. It is such a deep hurt unlike any other to lose some one that you love so immensely. It's scary, uncertain, and difficult adjusting. But in that pain and in the darkness the Lord is here for you carrying you gently through this such difficult time as He did with me. He is so good, and He loves us so much. It warms my heart to hear of your faith and will be rejoicing with you in heaven when we both are reunited with the ones we care so deeply for. I'm praying peace over you and your Father's family and friends. Big hugs!
- Heather M
Tennessee

Anonymous said...

Kandee, my heart aches for you. In June I too lost one I loved, when I miscarried my baby girl. It is such a deep hurt unlike any other to lose some one that you love so immensely. It's scary, uncertain, and difficult adjusting. But in that pain and in the darkness the Lord is here for you carrying you gently through this such difficult time as He did with me. He is so good, and He loves us so much. It warms my heart to hear of your faith and will be rejoicing with you in heaven when we both are reunited with the ones we care so deeply for. I'm praying peace over you and your Father's family and friends. Big hugs!
- Heather M
Tennessee

Lovely said...

My heart, love, and super hugs go out to your famil, and to u dear kandee, your was an amazing person he made an amazing daughter. Sending butterfly kisses to your little ones who lost their grandpa. I pray for u all and that u and your family get through this. Your dad wouldn't want u sad he'd want you happy and foul of life, he'd want u being kandee, so grieve for a bit I know it hurts, then wipe themtears and embrace the life your given and celebrate your dads life with remembrance and joy. share your stories with ur babies, hug them twice once from u and soothe from grandpa. Keep ur head up hon, your going to be ok.

Anonymous said...

"As you comprehend this profound loss, let yourself cry knowing each tear is a note of love rising to the heavens"

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