Tomorrow it will be 2 weeks since I got that horrific call telling me my dad was no longer on this Earth.
I can't express in words what your life, your heart, your mind feels like, when a loved ones dies. It is beyond words to describe, and even in your most incredible imagination, you can imagine what it feels like until you go through it.
People say, it will get better. But my world will never be the same, ever. I'm sure I will go on, and maybe one day I won't go to sleep with heartbreak, and maybe one day I will wake up and not feel my heart grow with sadness as I wake up to the reality that my dad is not here.
I know, in my heart I am trying to be happy that my dad is so happy in heaven, but my Earthly self misses him so much, it physically hurts in my heart.
I had filmed a video about waterproof, sweatproof make-up before I my dad died. I hadn't gotten to edit it, I still haven't. It has a funny part that me and Jordan filmed, and I know my dad would think it was funny too. I will edit it and I will upload it on Youtube...I just can't tell you the day yet.
I just want to thank you all, with all my heart, for sending me your amazing comments, filled with love, care and kindess. I thank you for your prayers...as this last week and a half, I have had to deal with many things that I never thought I'd have to deal with when someone dies. Things that are too hard to go into detail about yet.
My life feels changed. I have realized things I want to do differently, because so many things in this life feel so meaningless now.
My dad was such a huge inspiration in my life. He encouraged everyone around him- total strangers, people he knew, and most of all his family.
(This magnet was on my dad's workbench)
There are many reasons I didn't or couldn't even blog these last several days....
I just couldn't. I didn't want people to get tired of me just writing about how much I missed my dad. My mind just couldn't think of what to say. And my heart felt too broken to muster up something to say.
I will blog again, because my dad read my blogs and told everyone to go to my blogs and watch my videos. He loved that I made people smile and was able to encourage them.
My heart hurts and when I woke up this morning- today did not feel better. I still felt awful. Tears still ran down my face last night as I stared at a note my dad wrote on my bulletin board that said: HAPPY DAY! I LOVE MY BABIES!
My dad encouraged and inspired everyone around him, wherever he went....and I will not stop doing that either. Maybe today this didn't encourage anyone, my little heart is still trying to be ok.
To anyone who's lost a loved one...my heart knows your pain. It knows the feeling of not feeling that your heart or life will ever be the same. This hurt is beyond description and my only comfort is that my dad is in heaven, happier than he could ever be here on Earth. I just miss him from Earth, so much...it hurts to be here without him.
huge hugs from my heart, and if no one's told you today, I love you, kandee