Monday, July 12, 2010

7 Tips to Deal With HATERS

Urban Dictionary Definition: HATER-A person that simply cannot be happy for another person's success. Hating, the result of being a hater, is not exactly jealousy. The hater doesn't really want to be the person he or she hates, rather the hater wants to knock someone else down a notch. (And in their sad mind, this will make them feel more powerful!)
I get hundreds and thousands of haters leaving me comments on Youtube, everything from how I look, to how I talk, to what I wear. And then the creative haters just make up stuff up, from their own little sad minds! Some of it is so crazy, I'm  like, "how did they even think this stuff up, they must be really bored and have nothing to do!"

My friend, Olive told me about Tim Ferriss, who wrote, The 4 Hour Work-Week, I read one of his posts about haters and social media which was awesome...and it inspired me to translate some of his great ideas and write this for you guys, I did borrow some of his awesome quotes, they are famous, but so good! Click here to read his original post on Haters.

So here's my swift kick, kung fu, power-punch, iron fist, way to deal with the HATERS in your life!

1. The Hater-Ratio
 If I make a video and 100,000 people see it, and 5 people say they hate me, they just wasted 10 minutes of their life watching my video, my next video should be me punching myself in the face....I DON'T CARE, because the majority outweighed the nutso haters! You could have 10,000 people see what you are doing, wearing, dreaming of...anything, but the only thing that matters is if one person gets it! If you are the only one who gets it- that's fine! If you go to school and 10 people say, "what the heck are you wearing? Where'd you get those clothes? Nice outfit! Nice HAIR!"....WHO CARES?!? 10 people out of the hundreds you might see that day...don't let the little "hater-ratio" spoil it for the rest of the people that love you and like what you wore!

2. Oh, the poor people that take everything personally!
Never react, it's always the worst thing to do, instead wisely decide how you will happily navigate the situation! In defense mode, you just throw out random words to defend what was just flung at you - "you're attacking me, so I'm gonna attack you back"...not the best way to spend your energy. Don't even waste your time with commenting back, you'll never reach all the awesome goals in your life, if you waste your energy on replying to a hater! Some people play victim-angry-hater, in the world...they go around getting mad, and angry at anything and everything, it's probably not you, it's just you got in their line of would've been you or ANYBODY else that came in their path! So put on your "hater-proof" jacket and let them fire away, cause no comments are gonna penetrate you today!

3. The sooner you stop trying to please everyone, that happier you'll be!
Even, me, Miss I Hope Everyone Will Like Me...had to realize that NO, not everyone is going to like me. Getting online was the biggest lesson in that, Youtube, my blog, all kinds of junk, made me realize not everyone is going to like me, but that's OK! I don't need EVERYONE to like me, the ones that MATTER will LOVE me! Every great person in history was disliked or made fun of, from great actors to singers, to inventors. If you are gonna be brave, stand out, think differently, be your true will most likely have people not like you...they are scared inside, insecure, and just plain want to spill the acid that's inside them on others. “Trying to get everyone to like you is a sign of mediocrity.”-Colin Powell

4. If you don't have any haters, you better do something daring to get some!
The bigger the your dreams, the bigger your creativity, the bigger your heart, the bigger and bolder your personal style and taste is, the more criticism your going to get. It's a plain fact, the more good you do, the more determined you are, the more difference you're going to make, the more criticism you're going to get! If you're not getting any negative comments, you're probably not doing very much! ha ha ha! Focus on impact, not approval! “If you are really effective at what you do, 95% of the things said about you will be negative.” Scott Boras

5. Boring never gets teased, but out-of-the-box thinking always does!

 If you want to go after your dreams, dress how you want, think creatively and differently.. you must be willing and ready for people to think you are ridiculous, silly, and or stupid. To do anything different or interesting, be prepared to learn how to enjoy criticism. Take it as a sign of accomplishment, well if I had no dream or dressed like everyone else, ofcourse no one would say anything...I'm daring to think differently and dream even bigger! Bring on the criticism, haters! Bring it on! “If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid.” -Epictetus

6.  The best revenge is happiness!

The best comeback for a haters:  make it OVERLY OBVIOUS  that their "hater-attack", had no effect on you! Show them how much more you love your thoughts, style, dreams, hair cut, whatever it is, that much more! Show them how much fun you're having, how much you love your life! They will be sizzling in their hate even more, once they no it had no effect on you! The old saying, "The best revenge is a life well lived", is true! Show them how awesome your life is, how happy you are no matter what anyone says. Pretty much whatever they say is just spilling out what is inside them, you pour some pepsi out of a can of Peppsi and pepsi will come out, you take a mean person filled with acidic hate, and they are going to say mean acidic words too. Don't even get angry or upset at their mean little comments, just put an even BIGGER smile on your face, maybe even a chuckle, and show them how much FUN you are having in your LIFE! 

7. Don't ever let em see you sweat!

 Adman, Phil Slott, came up with the slogan for Gillette, "Never Let Em' See You Sweat". And we're gonna do just that, never let the haters see you sweat, let them see you smile, let them see you happier than them, see you more confident, more successful, but never let them see you upset!   If you want to be brave, and stand up for your  beliefs, the way you dress, the dreams you have,  if you want to change the world...expect attackers, expect haters, expect the nay-sayers, expect the toxic words, maybe they are even from "toxic friends".  Always remember,  and I gave these my own spin...."Never Let Em Get You Upset" and"The Bigger your Smile, the Bigger your deflector shield for Haters!"

I get hater comments, but I will NEVER let them GET ME! My heart is too happy to let someone else's problem personality and mean comments ruin ME or my HAPPINESS! And I don't want haters to effect you at all either! I love you too much and you are too precious, you are strong and you're going to have too great of a future to let someone try to spoil any moment of your life with their silly words.

typed with love, kandee


Unknown said...

Kandee darling, whoever has the nerve to ever leave you of all ppl a hate comment is a sad person indeed. You are gorgeous and successful, and since self-loathing is the new thing, jealousy towards you is going to happen. :)
When ppl feel bad about themselves they like to point out "faults" of others, we all know you're amazing!
Much Love <3 Mish

Chelsea said...

All this is so true! Whenever I see a hater comment on one of your videos I always attack them back, but after reading this I'm gonna stop because I know all they want is attention! Thanks for posting this Kandee! You rock!

Animefreakout29 said...

OHMUHGOODNESS! This relates to me SO much today. I had to deal with such a hater on me because I'm no beautiful enough. haha. I thought it was funny. Thank you Kandee. You gave me 7 wonderful tips. I shall put them to go use! I LOVE you! <3

the Unknown Quantity said...

"To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.”
- Elbert Hubbard

emalyce said...

Kandee, thank you for posting this! I've just begun going after some of my dreams, which I'm excited and a little nerve-wracking! Thank you for posting numbers four and five! That is awesome advise because it makes me want to strive harder for what I want, and it told me how to measure my successes--those will be my success markers. You are awesome and beautiful. You clearly have a good heart and it glows out of my computer screen. ;)

Catherine said...

wow, youre SO positive its amazing! people really have nothing to do and it seems that everyone who does well has know,jealous people who dont have your talent! you look like such a nice person, people arent used to much negativity. youre doing a GREAT job and all your videos are awsome!

Anonymous said...

My god i love you, you wonderful woman! This actually gave me a boost in confidence :-D xxxxxxxx

Constance said...

I totally agree with your tips. The number of people who support & luv you are far greater than the haters.

I've been going though a difficult time and when I watch your videos/read your blog, it gives me hope. Thank you for always being so positive and sweet.

Much luv,

Anonymous said...

Love this! haters are full of it. Enough said

Paige Graham said...

I really like your attitude about pretty much everything. You are a positive person and that is contageous (sp?) in a good way. Keep the love coming, your beauty truly does come from the inside out, and nobody can take that from you. I came across you by accident on Youtube while looking for a tutorial on pinup makeup, and of all the ones I watched, yours was the one I liked the most, and after watching like a dozen more of your videos, I subscribed, because I like how you seem very genuine, and, while being beautiful, also have a good heart. You seem like the kind of person I could be friends with if I met you face to face, and I'm guessing that's how most people would feel if they gave you a fair chance. Well, God bless you, and keep up the great, fun, beautiful work that you do. Hugs.

Paige Graham said...

wow, that was like the world's longest run-on sentence. sorry! LOL!

**"Liza"** said...

This is wonderful tips Kandee! This will help evryone boost thier confidence and ignore people negative comments! Definitely can relate to this. You are such a wondeful woman inside out! You are AWESOME!!!

anna said...

Everything you said is 100% true and when the new school years come around im going to think of this blog and i wont let them keep me down. A saying i have and believe is "If 100 hater comment go after you that means there will be more postive comment to come your way." If it wasnt for Kandee i wont be the postive happy person i am now and i dont know what i would do without you

Vonvon said...

Thank you so much for all the tips, Kandee. I am practising some of the tips when dealing with haters, especially the one about living a better, happier life than they are.

But now, I am going to try follow all the tips that you shared.

Thank you again. :)

Unknown said...

Kandee... Obviously you are doing something right because the little thinky in the corner says you have over 82,ooo fans.... Including me!!!

You just have to keep being yourself and never let any one get you down! You are a bright ball of sunshine and I really appreciate it! There are so many truly unpleasant people out there; it is nice to know that there are people out there who care, and aren't big old meany's....

Like you I am a tad overly perky... Many of my friends refer to me as psychotically perky! So would take that as an insult I actually think it really suits me.. LOL

Dont ever change, and never listen to the HATERS....

dani@callitbeauty said...

amen, kandee!

we can never control other people, there will ALWAYS be someone out there ready to hate. what we have 100% control over though, is our own minds. we can choose not to allow others to knock us down.

i used to not let myself take risks because i didn't want to have to deal with haters, but i've kept myself from experiencing so many things.

thanks for the reminder to "keep on keepin' on," kandee!


Anonymous said...

You are such a beautiful person and a very strong woman! It upsets and saddens me the things that ppl tell you. Ive gone through my own experiences, and i agree with what you say because its very true, but at the same time I wish I had more confidence and higher self-esteem, maybe this way I would be able to walk out of my house with a bright red lipstick and work it :) and not care if someone gives me an ugly look. U are such an inspiration, you always brighten my day and make me laugh! Thanks for all the great videos, all the great info, and just for being you!:)

Nic said...

peoples success and they rag on them to make them feel bad for it. Ive also noticed that haters also seem to find things wrong with themselves and then try to put it in you just so they dont feel lonely in the world. I just love love love what you are doing with everything ive seen in your blogs and videos on youtube.

Dont let anyone get you down because you are gorgeous!!! And with your make up tips you make me beautiful too!
Thanks so much! xoxo Nic

Unknown said... u and love ur advice..defintly its gonna help..thank u..

stoneandcloth said...

it's really fantastic that you posted this. there are so many people out there just as you described trying to bring others down and it's amazing who they end up being - strangers, yes..but also your friends and family. thanks for the positivity and insight - i know it made me feel better! it's tough dealing with it but what you have said here makes sense and i will definitely keep that in mind next time a "hater" comes around :) oh and it's so true that the more you are doing something great, the haters will come around and try and bring you down because, yes they feel bad about themselves but they need to get over it and do something with their lives already!

Claire said...

Kandee, Kandee, Kandee.
You are such an amazing person!
1. You're gorgeous (not joking or over exaggerating)
2. You give GREAT advice.
I see myself in you in the way you're Miss. I Hope Everyone Likes me, because I'm always like that too. I never want ppl to dislike or hate me because I don't know how to fully deal with it and come out strong and confident. Correction: I DIDN'T know until I read your post :)
You're like a secomd older sister to me (no creepiness intended) because I feel like you're always helping me through rough times even when you're not exactly talking about my situation specifically. You're so sweet, unique, beautiful (inside and out), loving and confident. Show those haters what you got guurl!! :P Thanks sooo much for all your help :)
Lots of love
xoxo <3

Loreta said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Unknown said...

Just think of it this way, no matter who you are, if your going on the internet there will always be people who hate on you. every single time... its sad but its because they arent happy with themselves... thats all it is.. so really at the end of the day you can just feel good that your not that person who hides behind a computer to make yourself feel good by picking out peoples flaws.. which never will work anyways. These people would NEVER say this stuff to someonesa face.. some times i'd like to see them try though haha. love you Kandee!

Beata said...


I know you do not swear or curse, however; I usually say F#$% 'em! I know this might sound crude or brutish to some.

Your positivity is fabulous.

There really is no point in responding to "haters."

It's best to remember the nice things people say to you and about you than to ruminate on the negative comments.


Loreta said...

"It's better to be hated for who you are than to be loved for who you are not" so true.

The2sams said...

Thank you as usual for helping me feel better about myself. Just recently I have really begun to be the pixie lovin', art making, make- up doing, and hair stylin' girl I used to be in high school. SOOOOO liberating girl! Keep up the fantabulous work. Loves ya girl!

Unknown said...

I love your positivity so much!! <3

SweeTee said...

You know sometimes things happen for a reason & angels are sent to tell you something & comfort you to let you know it will be more than o.k. Kandee thank you for being my angel...I needed your words! Blessings ~

Unknown said...

I don't understand how anyone could NOT love you :)
Your such a likeable person and I'm happy to read your blog and see you on YouTube. You always make me smile :)

Jackie said...

are just way too awesome :)
I LOVE how positive you are. In turn, you are inspiring me to have a better outlook on things.
thank you SO much :)

Anonymous said...

nice post kandee, you are evolving as a writer/blogger

Da said...

Hear, hear. Thanks for posting that - it made me feel so much better!
xo blarghies/ashedelajune/ashebash.

GabzMakes said...

Kandee you have so many comments you might not have time to read mine but if you happen to or anyone else. I wish of you a favor, im doing what your doing only im staring my make up ways on the internet finally. I even talk about you on the bottom of my blog page but i would really thankyou a million if you could help me get my name on youtube or on here blogging. everyone reads your stuff and you influence them postivley so much and you are my makeup idol and i just need a mini promo from you because anybody you say. but ahh ok so yeah kandee your fabulous and i absolutley adore you and if you cant anyway. its ok because i will still follow you forever.
Love, Gabzmakes

Noelle Garnier said...

I feel sorry for haters, because you can be sure they don't have anything BUT haters, either. Some of them are probably that way because nobody has ever had anything good to say about their dreams and aspirations, and they have no hopeful ambitions to look forward to. :'(
Thanks Kandee, we <3 you!
kandee fam lil sis

Liv-e said...

Hey Kandee!! :)
That was AMAZING!!! :)
I have been struggling with haters for years and years and always let it bring me down to the point where I now have MAJOR depression. I have never had anyone tell me how to deal with it or why these people hate in the first place. Thank you for this AWESOME blog it has helped me sooo much!! You are an AMAZING women and you deserve the best!! I am going to use this everyday from now on!
Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!!!!! :)
Love you and your amazing work!!
Love from
Liv-e Xxxx

Nothing said...

I think I'm going to have to favorite this to remind myself when I'm feeling down because of the nasty words people say. Thank you for posting...

Unknown said...

(((Hugs))) Such great points to share with us, thank you so very much! I myself have struggled all my life with "haters", it's hard being sensitive, but I wouldn't trade my sensitivity for a cold heart ever! :) Thank you for your helpful info, I have printed this up for future reference for myself. :)

Rachel Brizzolara said...

Thanks Kandee - you are awesome and have made me feel a lot better :) Love Rachel xxxxxx

SparklyRose said...

Thank you for this :) Love Ina

Anonymous said...

I love this one Kandee!! Thank you for helping me realize that I don't need to worry so much about what people think of me. I'm sensitive and take it to heart when people are mean or said something that might sound mean. I take things too personally and I'm to trying to not let those things get to me. I'm getting better and better because of your influence on me! :) So thank you for helping me! Love you much and have a super day!! Love, Kimee <3

Anonymous said...

thanks for these words Kandee ! <3 They are very helpful. Every time when I am feeling bad I read yours warm words <3
IT'S REALLY TRUE what you have written!
When I was reading your words I thought about the another good quotes which are really true and can help keep going.
"Hated by many. Confronted by none. Haters only hate the things that they can't get and the people they can't be. " - it really suits you ! and I think me (hehe;-)
And what the best is:
"Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them more. "
keep on posting for us :-)
have a nice day Kandee ;-)

missymarie said...

Kandee- This post could not have came at any better of a time! You are such an inspiration girlie! Luv ya!

Happymomof2 said...

I love you Kandee you r such a inspiration ... tons of ♥♥♥

deep_thinker said...

KANDEE!!! you are awesome!!!!!

cin77084 said...

YOU are crazy amazing. Thank you for these uplifting words. *I* needed to read them today and I will reread them several times. Thank you for this wonderful post. I neeeeeeeded it!

Kris Jordan said...

Thank you for this post, Kandee!! You are a wonderful person in every way, sooo inspiring!!...

I feel so lucky I found you!!! ((((((hug))))))

Huge love from Spain!! ^__________^


Unknown said...

Hi Kandee! I usually never leave comments but I just wanted to say that your number 3 tip reminded me of a quote by Dr. Seuss! "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

Keep up with the positive attitude! You're such a brave person :) All that matters are the people you surround yourself with, that make you feel your best <3

hizles said...

I love you Kandee, reading your posts always put a big smile on my face.

I hope you are having a wonderful day!

Sending you a big, warm hug .... did you get it?

Unknown said...

Kandee..I just wanted to say that you are adorable...I love your style, your energy etc...I looked at your post on how to deal with haters and I absolutely loved it...keep on doing what your doing !

LadyD said...

I love what you write <3 I'm trying hard to be me, cause people keep hating & judging me all the time,and where i come from..little place like norway OMG,,But i know someday i will stand up strong and not be afraid anymore. Thx so much Kandee for all those wise words . Lots of love from Norway.

Betssy said...

Kandee, you truly do inspire me. I've felt so much happier with myself and much more confident by just reading your blog and watching your videos. You are so beautiful on the inside and out. I learned to love who i am ,just be myself , and ignore negative people.

annkarenmolina said...

Kandee, you are a wonderful person in every way. I love all your post, videos, and especially your positive attitude! Let the haters waste their time minding your business. It's their lost not yours :D

Bonnie Rose Bryan said...

Great blog Kandee! I've had my share of hater comments on YouTube, and I certainly don't take any of it personally. Hateful comments have nothing to do with me, with you, with anyone who receives them -- hateful people say hateful things. It's about haters being filled with hate. So, yeah, their misdirected unhappiness doesn't ruin my day.

"The sooner you stop trying to please everyone, that happier you'll be!" -- I live my life by this rule. (^_^)

Wishing you a gorgeous and creative day! *sparkles*

Rachel said...

Your positive energy is amazing Kandee! Thank you for helping me be a stronger person, your words have truly helped me! Way to keep a great attitude! Have a wonderful and smile filled day!!!

All my love!

<33 Rachel

dorisa.L.V said...

!!!!!!well sed!!!!!! it's a fine line with dealing with haters: a person like us could either get a chip on our shoulder&an attitude in order to deal with haters,OR:we could dust our shoulders off and walk away with an even bigger level of confidence and a bigger smile! i love that u exist and have been watching ur youtubes for a year and 1/2 then joined this blogspot yesterday! i look forward to reading what u post each day your like a little best friend in my house all the time! (((hugs))2u!thanx for your confidence its inspiring and nice!

KellBell19 said...

Hey Miss Kandee!
I just spent a day catching up on all your youtube videos! So basically I had a kandee makeup marathon. :) My cousin Joy Introduced me to your tutorials and I've recieved compliments on my eye makeup ever since! You have a wonderfully sincere heart and God bless you for that! Don't let anyone steal your charm or getcha down! Your walking on sunshine yeaaaaaaaahhhhh. lol. Looking forward to more updates. God Bless! ~ Kelly Christina

Mrs R said...

Hello Kandee!

I love how you are so vibrant and so positive in whatever aspects it is you are posting about and we all can tell that you are really showing the real you in all your posts. i love how your videos on youtube are always happy and i believe that you really just want to share your knowledge with everyone else. not like some of the other beauty vloggers that i have seen who keep sighing in their videos and sometimes even look disinterested in what they themselves are saying. i love how you are different.

Haters will always just be... haters. sticks and stones, sticks and stones... stay the way you are. their words will never penetrate your beautiful soul :)

Irene Yuanita said...


I'm typing in CAPS just to make sure you will read my comment, that I exist! Me, me! :D :D

I am soooooooooo happy to find you, to read you inspiring blogs. Girl, I just read your previous post about HSP and I said ALL YES to those questions. I thought I was the only one who acted those ways and I ALWAYS think I am weird! :'(

But NO anymore! You feel the same way, (HSP), and I belive in myself that someday I am gonna be like you also, to reach my own dreams and inspire people! HOORAAAH *soooo rechargeddd..

Shout from Indonesia! <3

Unknown said...

I just love the way you are Kandee!!
You inspire me more and more each day and I become more stronger from now on.I just hope that you will be very happy now and then. Dont let the haters put you down,haha.. :D

Huge Love and Hugs,
~Xema Nexen~

Garret said...

We love the 7 tips for haters! Thanks for the post!

~Glitzy Nails
glitter toes

Unknown said...

I LOVE the tips :-) SO TRUE!!!Its not really popularity that matters so much as how good we feel about ourselves and our own achievements.

Self-esteem comes from feeling good about yourself and your own accomplishments and not comparing yourself with others. The less you can compare yourself to others, the happier you’ll be in almost any setting — from school, to work, to “getting ahead” in life.

Life lessons worth learning at any age. xxx

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