Thursday, July 15, 2010

Shattered Dreams, HEARTS & Disco Balls

Hello,  my name is Kandee and I have a shattered dream.

Do you have a shattered dream or heart that's broken into pieces?

I remember when I drove home, from Hollywood, with the load of all my belongings, my hot pink couch and all my vintage collections of Hawaiian tiki cups. I felt like I needed a separate trailer to haul all the pieces of my shattered dream. I was driving home to go live with my parents who were going through a divorce, with my little 4 year old in the backseat. But little did I know, this shattered dream would shine more light and love into my life than this old dream would've ever have given to me.

I had struggled in LA (and later worked there without all these struggles! ha ha ha), with not really any "true" friends, trying to work as many make-up jobs as I could, trying to go on auditions, and work a waitresing job, to help pay for all my son's preschool.
I had dreamed of being an actress since I could remember, I would write movies and credits for movies and I would pedal my bike down the street and imagine the movie I was in. I was in musicals and plays all throughout my childhood. When I worked on my first movie, I cried because my heart was so overjoyed that this was MY DREAM!!! I remember being on jobs, working on celebrities, on movies or tv shows, thinking...I wish I was the one getting my make-up done to play this role. I would walk from the make-up trailer and go talk to the lighting guys, and watch as the star that I just made up, was about to go do the very thing that I dreamed of doing.

I remember tears rolling down my face as I drove home to my parents,  I felt like not just my heart was broken, my hope and my dreams were too. (I've felt this way over guys before too, it's not just for dreams either!)
Later I realized that I could've sat among the broken pieces of my dream, looking at each shattered, sharp piece, asking why and letting those broken pieces cut me,  make me bleed and hurt me. That is what we tend to do sometimes, we sit in the middle of our broken-ness, and we keep staying there hurting ourselves even more, instead of gluing the pieces back together to make an amazing mosaic of beauty, to shine more sparkle and love into our future.  I've done this with a broken heart too, I'd sit and only remember the best of times with that person, I'd sit and hold the broken pieces of how I dreamed our life to be. Not realizing that the ones that break our hearts, give us a shattered piece that will shine light on a new path, to find the real one, that will never dare hurt our heart or leave us.

Those shattered pieces began to reflect more light, like a glittering disco ball, onto a new, even more amazing dream that I could've ever dreamed!


What I have been able to do, with this blog and through Youtube, is a dream that began sparkling from one of those shattered pieces. Knowing that I have inspired any of you, touched any of your hearts, and changed any of your lives, is a dream more amazing than getting some role in a movie, could ever be! I was put in a place, far from my dreams, but with no way of making them happen, but by being there, I found a  way

Each of you are my sparkling dreams. Each comment or message or precious heart that I meet, each one of you are little flowers in my dream garden!

I want you to know, no matter how badly your dream or your heart feels shattered, know that in those shattered pieces, is where the most beautiful treasures are waiting to make your heart sparkle! Many times our hearts feel shattered, but in that broken-ness, just might be the sparkle to shine light on a new love, a new dream, a new hope.

I am thankful for every guy that shattered my heart, because one of those broken pieces became a twinkly light, that shined out onto the one that I love no. The broken piece of my heart that they cracked, has been put back together to be such a beautiful mosaic (like the picture above) of sparkling love.
We are like twinkling disco balls, made up of lots of little bits and pieces of broken mirror, shining bright to light up the world! If you feel shattered and broken....REJOICE! You are about to put back together something more beautiful, more sparkling, more bright and more amazing than you even can dream of!


huge love from your super-shattered, disco ball of twinkle.... kandee

*please feel free to share this with someone who has a shattered heart or dream...keep the love going!

68 comments:

Michelle said...

Thanks for letting your light shine, Kandee :)
You are a beautiful person for real!

WHAVegan said...

You're a doll. Thanks so much for being a beautifully positive influence--you inspire me and your posts here and on youtube are always a joy. <3

Savannah said...

thanks for this kandee, you are so amazing!!

Hollymc said...

So wild that you post this now. I was just remembering how years ago I made a disco ball out of broken up old AOL cd's...it's was like a shardy disco ball of nightmares! ha!
I appreciate your beautiful spin on how to see the positive in any situation. I am a huge fan! Hope to meet you some day Kandee!
xoxo-
Holly in Brooklyn

Allan said...

<3 That is an amazing story :) It made me feel tons better!!!

Moon Singer said...

Wow. I love your blog. I would love to meet you someday!! You always seem to post the right thing that I need to hear, somehow! Kisses and Hugs and Sparkles and lots and lots of love!

Noelle said...

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
I have some disco balls with all different colors in them, and I think I will hang them up to remind me of what you just said. Your analogy of the disco ball is such a sweet way to think about the idea of "beauty from pain." I want to be that sparkling light that proves how God can fashion each heartbreak into a great, beautiful plan. I believe that joy can be borne of sorrow and I hope people will see that in me. That kind of hope shines through any difficulty! You are such a gem, Kandee!
xoxo,
kandee fam lil sis

Allyse said...

you are just so sweet kandee. thank you so much for everything that you have done. i sent you an email a few days ago and i know you get crazy amounts of emails but i am hoping that you will be able to get the chance to read it soon. it means the world to me and i know that it will put a smile on your face :) love you kandee!

hugs, love and cupcakes :)

Ebony said...

It never ceases to Amaze me how God places words in people's spirits to encourage and lift up. Kandee thank you for that. Your YT channel helps us improve our outer beauty, this blog is for the inner beauty.

Maddie130 said...

Kandee, your amazing!

Your never ending encouragement always makes me happy.

You always help me feel beautiful inside and outside.

loveforbeauty said...

You make such a great point! Every bad road we travel leads us to the next road we were meant to take. You are so positive and such an inspiration to me. You make want look on the bright side! Keep up the positive energy! Love it! :]

FaithHopeLove said...

another heartfelt share kandee, thanks so much! XOXO have a great day. Love the new logo - this is the happiest place on the internet!
Stephanie

**"Liza"** said...

Ahh just what I need to read right now. been feeling really down lately. Thanks for this post Kandee, you inspired me today to keep my hopes up.

http://www.fleurcreation.com/

Audivila said...

Kandee, I believe you will still make it! You can definitely be an actress! <3 <3 <3

QuencyDevonn said...

Kandee I look up to you in so many ways. Your words of advice are amazing and beautiful : )
You have truly taught me so much.

xoxoxo
Quency Devonn

earthlygodesss said...

Last week my dreams were shattered. This entry on your blog speaks to me. I'm trying to find the light through my shattered pieces. It's hard, but I know I'll find it--somehow or someway.

Jenna said...

Kandee....You're so great! Even though everyone thinks you're glamorous, you allow yourself to be vulnerable to the world. That is truly something amazing, and you're wonderful!

Anne Elizabeth said...

Wow, that was such a great story Kandee! I love that disco ball idea, that is so true! You are such an amazing person, I admire you so much for how you always turn things around to make them positive. I've learned in my bible studies with my friends that we might not always have good times and honestly we won't always be in a 'happy' mood. but like u said, rejoice! cause there is a bright side to every 'bad' situation and no matter what happens to us we can always find Joy in our life experiences :))
God bless you Kandee! love and hugs!
-Anne

Ria said...

You have given me hope where I thought I had no more strength to go on. I have a son to fight for and after reading this, I will be putting the shattered pieces together to find a brighter tomorrow. You are amazing and keep shining!

Katherine & Jesus said...

As usual you make me happy! Thanks for this wonderful blog. Chin up is what I always say and keep on pushing forward. Cheers!

mdlc5 said...

I never get tired of reading or hearing your story.
Its so inspiring and every time I read our listen to
Your story i get more and more motivated.
Thank you so much for always sharing and ALWAYS inspiring.
I cried w you at the LA glaminar. I still cant believe I was there.
I love you so much!
xoxo
Margara

Rachel said...

May God always bless your kind and beautiful heart!!!!

<33 Rachel

Dora said...

Awwww Kandee... that's such a beautiful thing that God can turn those experiences into disco balls or mosaics. Sometimes we wonder what is God doing? and then we are able to see what is he doing but then, we shoud think WHY? and the why part... the "why part" is so good! and so amazing! and it's always, because He loves us SO MUCH!!
Today is one of those days thay want to think more about the why than the what..

Love you Kandee!

maribel said...

Oh kandee u have no idea how muCh u have helped me!! Sometimes I feel like I'm going through the same life u had before :( but like u, I have faith that everything will b better later on in life, for now I'll b crying myslef to sleep next to my 19month old baby boy :( just to think that u might read this comment made my day!! I love ur videos! Even though I don't have make up I enjoy watching u create art with it!

Shopping Gal said...

Kandee,

I'm going through a sad break up, and your words made me realize that much more. That as hurt as I am now, sooner or later I will be my cheerful, happy self. We are much alike in terms of perspectives, and personality.

Thank you for being a silver lining to my cloudy says.
xo!
- mel

cheridene said...

Kandee
Everytime i read a post or watch a video you fix something inside of me.Your words are healing and positive and my only source of light at this moment.

thank you so much.

Kimee said...

Kandee,
This was the perfect blog for me to read today. I didn't have a very good day and I've been sick for a week to make matters worse. When I was driving to the barn this evening, I noticed how pretty the sky looked. It was pink, purple, and blue and it was just gorgeous. It immediately reminded me of you and how you have taught me to think of something happy when I'm sad or having a bad day. You constantly remind us that all the hard times we go through make us stronger in the end. Thank you for all of your encouraging words. You mean so much to me. Much love and support to you, Kimee <3

~*geena*~ said...

Thank you for all of the inspiration Kandee!!! I love you!!

Dena said...

Thank you sp much for your words of encouragement! You touch so many lives! We are blessed to be a blessing and you def are a blessing!

Sarah said...

My heart needed to hear (or rather read) this post. It really resonated with me, scared me, and at the same time reassured me. My whole life seems to be a shattered dream right now, and at the very least it's nice to know that others have gone through this and come out better for it.

iEartheAngel said...

"So be sure when you step.. Step with care and great tact.. And remember that life's A Great Balancing Act.. And will you succeed? Yes! You will indeed!.. (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed) Kid! you'll move mountains."
— Dr. Seuss (Oh, the Places You'll Go!)

hopstar72 said...

Your thoughts and comments are really a delight Kandee and I enjoy reading them each day.

I actually find myself reflecting on them throughout the day and it's really nice to know that someone is out there...caring for individuals like us. And also...that there is a group of followers (nay...friends!) that share in your delight, each day.

Hope that made sense!

Hugs ~ Chanel

brandi said...

i so wish i could sit down and talk with you, kandee. i could really use that right now.

and what happened to the "ask kandee's mom" video you were planning? i was looking forward to that.

Srita Caramelo said...

OMG Kandee you made me cry! how amazing do you get!
How much more love can you give us? How much more can you inspire us? Every time I think you're at a peek you come back and show me you can be stronger, more inspiring, more supportive, and even if you don't really know us, if you have never met us, you prove to be a great friend.
Thank you for being always there for us.
You are amazing <3

kandee johnson said...

hi guys, thank you so much for appreciating my words and messages from my heart...and yes we're still working on "ask kandee's mom"...too! xoxo

samantitaa said...

thank you for this. Through your blog I have realized its ok to be me. I use to believe my dreams were just that, dreams, and that maybe I had set the bar too high for myself but after reading this it gives me hope and inspiration. So many times I have heard people ( I like to call them dream killers) tell me what I can do, what I can't do, this or that is impossible and that I'm never going to make it and it has beaten down my spirits of ever achieving what I truly want to do. In high school I had always said I wanted to be a fire fighter I was a girly girl but it didn't matter to me that was like my dream job I wanted it so bad. It was getting closer and closer to graduation and in class everyone naturally discusses what they plan on doing after high school, and I remember the teacher asking everyone to share what they plan on becoming. Well when it came around to be my turn I proudly announced that I dreamed of becoming a fire fighter and its funny because I remember it so vividly my teacher just gave me this funny look and was like sam I think you should reconsider fire fighters have to carry these really big hoses and have to be really smart to take these really hard test and it was so embarrassing for me because to me it was like, what are you trying to say? And instead of me defending my dream and saying I know but I'm going to do it, it made me second guess myself a little and discouraged me from following up on what I wanted for soo long. After graduating high school I've just watched my dreams float on by as I sit here and dwell on what could have been. I have sat here lost, depressed, confused, and frustrated. One day I randomly found your youtube channel which later brought me to your blog and I can almost feel the love coming from the words you write and it inspires me to be a better person and to go for what I want in life. Who cares if they say I can't do it, who cares if there's tears along the way, as long as I'm happy and I'm giving it my best then who cares what they say. xoxo sam

M said...

You are awesome Kandee. Thanks so much for your words, always. Really, you have a gift to touch other's hearts.

By the way, I was browsing this site when I found a picture of you (which I recognized inmediately!). I think it's lovely! http://content.photojojo.com/diy/make-pop-up-photo-diorama/

Belány said...

you wrote about shattered dreams in such a beautiful way!!! I feel that way a lot, just as you said "we sit in the middle of our broken-ness, and we keep staying there hurting ourselves even more, instead of gluing the pieces back together to make an amazing mosaic of beauty, to shine more sparkle and love into our future!" I cannot even tell u how much you inspire me, give me hope and touch my heart! ever since I discovered u on youtube, I feel more encouraged and loved every single day! YOU ARE that amazing mosaic of beauty which shine lots of sparkle and love into our lives! <333

Miss Cherry Cupcake said...

I've always had some obsession with disco balls and now I understood why:) You are so fascinating and that really touched me... I have goosebumps allover. Thank you for sharing this story.

Eils211 said...

Thanks Kandee for cheering me up once again, I have been off sick from work for the past 2 months with a shoulder inury, I have to have surgery and will be off till at least Jan 2011. I have been feeling very sorry for myself, but you always make me see the good side of everything. I have decided that I would love to come and see you at the Glaminours in London,. So if I am physically able(I live in Ireland) I will be there. Love and continual Blessings to you and your beautiful family. xxxx

Browneyed2 said...

kandee i cn c a halo over ur head........U knw i nvr saw a disco ball like dat b4..... its made out of broken pieces of glass which lights up the whole room....
Jus that thgt gav me so much enrgy and made me strng. . . . .
u knw ONE OF MY MAIN GOALS IN LIFE is to meet u.....xx

Miss Nikki said...

You made me tear up because exactly a year ago and even sometimes now I feel like I lost my life and all my dreams! I just recently went through a divorce at 23 years old and it was the most hardest thing I have ever been through! I went through having cancer on my own, being told I will never be able to have a baby, a bladder disease for 7 years that I was in and out of the hospital but this divorce was the killer. I cried every single night and couldnt take it any longer. I always dreamed of being with my ex forever (high school sweethearts) and him supporting me in my dreams and vice versa. But he never supported me in my dreams, he knocked them down and told me how stupid they were. It was heartbreaking for me!

I drove from NC to TX to move back to my mom's house. I felt like I failed at life. Like I was never going to amount to anything anymore. My pup and I drove 22 hrs and I cried most of those hours. My heart was shattering every mile I was getting further away from my ex but we didnt love eachother anymore.

Now because of my family, my boyfriend who supports me in EVERYTHING and friends and MOSTLY because of you, I am on my way to become something great! Not going to lie I did wallow in my self pity for a while and then realized I needed a change and only I could do that change for myself! Now it feels good for people close to me to tell me follow my dreams and everything else will work out! Yes I still have break downs but its life and I always will!

Thank you for all the advice you give to young women and for up and coming makeup artists like myself. You truly are an inspiration and living example of no matter what; divorce, husbands, kids, you can still make your dreams come true!

With Love!
Nikki Silliman

SweetLady said...

THANK YOU so much for your words, Kandee <3 Love, SweetLady
http://sparklymoment.blogspot.com

Delmis Rivera♥ said...

You are so beautiful and your words touched my heart deeply! You are incredibly inspirational and I get really happy whenever i come across your blog. You spread joy, happiness, and love. and i thank you for that!

A.C.Originals said...

Kandee-

Thank you for being a ray of sunshine in an often gloomy world. You are an inspiration for so many, and I am proud to include myself in that group! As a matter of fact, you have inspired me to start my own blog- (www.acoriginals.blogspot.com) and to get back to doing what I truly love, designing and creating wearable art in the form of Jewelry & Accessories!

So, from one lover of shiny objects to another, thank you!

Chelsea said...

This is beautiful Kandee, and so are you!

espo9041 said...

Seriously Kandee it sounds so stupid but when I'm down i like to think of your positive personality and how i want to be an actress too but i seriously feel like im foolish if i even TRY cause its me against 7475465684576 million other people. I feel like i just need a chance and i dont know how or where or when to ever get that chance. YOU have inspired me with all your uplifting stories of reality. Of how you can reach the ULTIMATE low to the point you feel you cant even function. I love how you picked yourself up. Thank you for inspiring me.

Faye Marie said...

Kandee, thank you soo much! I'm not sure I've gotten the chance to comment before, either here or on YouTube. But, what you do is truly inspiring. My sister introduced me to your Vlog a couple of years ago, and I've been hooked since then. :)

You remind me of myself, and what I'm striving to be. I remember the first video of yours I saw. It was the one where you were creating all kinds of designs with your t-shirts. I thought "OMG, someone out there loves those shirts just as much as I do!!!" It made me feel more confident to actually where what I loved, and I got compliments for it!
There's tons more that I'd like to say, but to keep it short, I'll just say thank you Kandee. Keep doing what you're doing. For all the people that visibly give you thanks, there are even more silent ones. :)

Sarah Hime said...

I loved that.

Thrive Like a Wildflower said...

That was simply wonderful my dear, thank you so much!

Wrogan said...

Kandee, I love how positive you are! Your words are encouraging and always seem to make me smile when I read your posts :) I enjoy your videos and appreciate all the tips you share with us! I think you are an amazing person! Thank you!

K.C.T. said...

You're definitely a star to me :) And if I see you on the street, I'll definitely ask for your autograph. Hope you don't turn me away :)

Claire, xo

Shannon said...

Dear Kandee,

Are you our angel???????

I think so.

I am overwhelmed to tears by your love, sincerity, and your life. No words can express the gratitude in my heart. I am one of the many, who have been misused, abused, and betrayed at a young age. But you, have helped lift our spirits, shown us truth, and sent us love...when we needed it the most.

God bless you 100 times more than you've blessed us.

Love you,
Shannon

LibraBeauty87 said...

WOOWOWOW!!! So interesting..
Funny thing I just wrote about abuse on my blog..Check it out and let me know what you think!!

www.librabeauty87.blogspot.com

Thanks!!

Gabby said...

Excellent post! I'm so glad I have someone as amazing as you to look up to, I always know I can read something you post and it will make my bad day disappear and shine a new light on my vision of things. Thank you Kandee. For being the most wonderful role model and person in general I've EVER seen. =]

InfamousWiggy said...

Kandee-I can honestly say you are the most positive,beautiful inside and out person I have ever seen,heard of, reading all your blogs watching all your videos truly have moved me, out of all celebrities or better yet anyone I have never looked up to or had an idol but I look up to you & consider U my idol & you're the highlight of my days,I've always wanted to be a fashion designer,do make up, hair, photography but people seemed to never support that so didnt pursue it out of HS so I ended up dropping out of college bc I felt it wasn't my place & moved out on my own & everything shattered when I(being a non druggie person) often fell into bad,damaging relationships and often lost personal property,money bc they destroyed it/stole it etc. so now I'm back with parents just stuck and hurt from all those people who took so much out of me and I just kinda threw in the towel and I was always a loyal true person and I was upset 2night before I got on to check up on a daily dose of kandee-and just broke down reading this blog, you really touch peoples' hearts I know just reading comments, people who know you personally are really lucky to have you in their life. I never thought there were any good people in the world until I found you lol, now my escape to get away from everything is kandee's youtube or blog lol..thank you so much, you do really change lives including mine! Much Love!!!!!! <3 <3

Kat said...

This is SO BEAUTIFUL. You are incredible Kandee! Much much love, have a great day xx

Morgan said...

Kandee,
You are the such a beautiful person inside and out! I stop in everyday beacuse you make me smile! Keep on being you girl!!! My the Lord bless you in all you do! Hope you have a great day :)

stardust_designs said...

Kandee, thank you so much for this, you always post this kid of stuff at the right time for me. You are helping brighten my life when im down. I love you, you are a wonderful soul and person.

<3 tori

Marie said...

I love this! It was a nice read to start my day. Thank You Kandee

selenity luz said...

How amazing! How amazing! How amazing!

ruhi said...

you are a inspiration !!! m ur newest fan...u hav touched my heart :)

Riah said...

Once again Kandee you have shown me how very much you and I are alike. I had the same hopes and dreams, I became a Cosmetologist and had my dreams stomped on by chronic pain and illness. But I am thankful for who I am and I wouldn't be who I am today and I wouldn't be who and where I am if it weren't for those shattered dreams.

Lachrymose said...

Thank you so much for this blog post. Im going through some rough times but your blog post really inspired me (:

Lola said...

oh kandee you're always so sweet, hopeful and sunny! i just love you and your attitude to life! i've felt broken hearted and hopeless so many times an i'm just 17 and when i read your blog or watch your videos they just give more strenght and hope and the will to fallow and reach my dreams. you're such an inspiration for everyone's life expecially for those people just like me who have been through bad moments. don't you ever change kandee!
love

Holly said...

Kandee, I feel a little silly actually typing this, but you're amazing! I stumbled across your website several months ago and I've recently found myself "checking in" several times a week + whenever I'm feeling bummed (dealing with a lot of stress right now). You're so inspiring, sweet and amazing. You always bring a smile to my face by the adorable things you say... if only we all said these things every day, we would be much happier people! :) Please keep living your dream and continue to be such an amazing woman!!! You've definitely touched my heart and remind me of the important things in life! <3 Holly

Zoha said...

Kandee, I don't remember how many times I've told you this before, but you are an AMAZING person and you ALWAYS make me feel happy.
Everyone got dreams, right? One of my biggest dreams is meeting you Kandee! And, please please please, if becoming an actress is really one of your dreams, then go for it Kandee! You're strong...I mean VERY STRONG!
Huge LOVE from Tehran

raymond said...

Funny I never thought or even looked at a Disco Ball this way nor my life as a Disco Ball, but after reading your Shattered Dreams,Hearts & Disco Balls blog I look back on my life, and yes it's all a mosaic of shattered glass, or a collage of construction paper. Ty for letting me see my life in a totally different way.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...