Monday, May 17, 2010

How To: Not Have A Broken Heart

Number of emails from people with broken heart: 874,498,387

And millions of heart are hurting and broken, in the world right now.

I hope this little post will help some hearts...somewhere.

SCENE 1: you have just been left with a heart that feels so broken, you just want to sleep, you don't want to be awake and feel anything! You can't imagine how your life will go on with any kind of happiness without this person in your life. You are already imagining, that no one will ever be as great as them.

SCENE 2: you have been or are in an abusive relationship, someone that verbally abuses you (saying horrible hurtful things that will forever scar your heart), physically abuses you (hurting you in any way), mentally abuses you (controls you, manipulates situations, scares you, threatens you), or even sexually abuses you (any form of touching that you don't want).
now enters the voice of help!

For #1 with a
broken heart: No one that is willing to let you go or hurt your heart, or leave you...is good enough to EVER be the one to hold your precious heart in their hands. Someone that has no idea how amazing you are, how irreplaceable you are, how unique how adorable, how beautiful, how someone will come into your life and say, "I don't ever want to live without you in my life, and I'll never, ever think of leaving you!". Someone is going to adore how you laugh, love the sound of your voice, think that you make everything more fun, how you are the most amazing thing they've ever seen, that nothing could take them away from you. That they'd walk through fire, drive for hours, just to see your face.
If you ARE or WERE with someone that didn't realize you were the best thing on Earth....GOOD RIDDANCE!!! Because they don't deserve one more second of your time or tears!
You are one of a kind amazing! They way you say things, the way you laugh, the way you dance or sing, the funny things you so, the quirky things you do...these are all what someone is going to FALL HEAD OVER HEELS IN LOVE WITH!!! And if someone doesn't...DON'T waste your time with them...because the person that's going to LOVE all those things and you, is rejoicing that, that other person is out of the way, so they can come and find you!
Even though I don't normally listen to country music, I love the song, "God Bless the Broken Road" by Rascal Flatts 
in the song it says,
"Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

This is beautiful....that each person that broke your heart, needed to get out of your life, so the right one, one that will never hurt you, can come into your life. They will adore you, cherish you, and gently hold your heart, and will go out of their way to make sure your heart is never hurt! 
I've been hurt many times, I've been cheated on, dumped, I've been in abusive relationships, and I'm so glad I'm not in any of those anymore! I even dated a guy that told me how beautiful he thought other girls were and how he had "crushes" on them, in front of me! (oh brother!) Thank goodness I said "enough!", they dumped me, or I got the courage to leave them, and end that horrible time in my life!


Now for #2
an abusive relationship
If you are with someone that constantly hurts your feelings, makes you feel miserable, unhappy, stupid, ugly, sad, depressed, worthless...ANY one of those! That is not a soul mate....that is a mean mate!
And if you are with someone that hurts you, hits you, threatens you (with anything) scares you for any reason, (especially if they drink or do drugs...they will think even worse!).
I was in an abusive relationship, where I was afraid of everything, I was afraid to leave my house, I was told horrible things, I was threatened, and he had a huge anger problem, the police had to be called, I didn't have any money or any food to eat. And the horrible part was, I was so afraid to leave him, that he would be even more mad and find me. Or he would promise me he wouldn't do any of that again and he was sooooo sorry! WELL THAT'S THE ABUSIVE CYCLE!!! (THEY'RE MEAN, THEN THEY FEEL BAD, APOLOGIZE, SAY THEY WON'T DO IT AGAIN.....AND JUST WAIT...IT'S A GUARANTEE THEY'LL DO IT AGAIN! It just comes down to how long you're going to stay and keep going through that emotional cycle.


I prayed and asked God to get me out of there! And sure enough, it was by a miracle, we were getting kicked out of the apartment we lived in, I called my mom, she bought me a plane ticket, he even drove me to the airport, and once I was safely at my mom and dad's, I said, I can't come back. I's had enough! I knew, this wasn't how it was supposed to be. Your heart heart shouldn't hurt when you're in love!


So, to each of you precious souls...you were made so fantastically! You are funny, witty, brilliant, cute, adorable, you have your own style, your own way of making people's lives fun. People should want to be wherever you are....because wherever you are....life is more fun, because you are in it!


Don't settle...you deserve the best! And the best is waiting for this "broken heart" to be pointed in their direction, that whoever hurt you, is the Northern Star, that is pointing you right to the one that will  NEVER, EVER hurt you.


And remember, your girlfriend, boyfriend, husband or wife....is not your whole world! They are there to support and be a companion, but remember, as soon as they get placed on a pedestal....that's a promise that you are putting them too high on your life list...and you're giving them control to definitely hurt you! Every human being at some point will disappoint you, hurt you, make you sad...they aren't perfect. The only person who's never stop loving me is God. Boyfriends, girlfriends, even husbands and wives (ha ha ha), may come and go...but God and your family will always be there love you!


I love you...and don't let another tear fall from your eyes. I wish I could be there to hug you and tell you, "No, rejoice that now, you're true soul mate, is free to find you! Be patient, they are on their way!"


I made this BREAK-UP BOOTCAMP video, maybe it will inspire your heart too!
huge love, chocolate and lots of love, typed with love, kandee



62 comments:

Steve and Ismari said...

Your so wise and so right! Way to empower girls and woman Kandee.

Don't settle for a cocky booger picker ladies. Empower yourself and take care of your soul... when a good one comes along....he will see how wonderful you are and will respect you and take care of you like the beautiful diamond you are! ♥

ktalarczyk said...

you have such a good heart, kandee. i watched this video last year when my heart was broken and i cried for a long time after i watched it, and then i stopped, and i haven't cried about him since.
so, thank you for everything.
<3

matanda said...

thank you so much for this i really needed it i love you so much

Lareinedesabeilles said...

Thank you so much kandee for this article..
Firstly, i apologize for my english, I'm french, so i'm sure i'm doing a lot of mistakes.
But i really want to thank you for this article. Right now i feel so lonely, because i have a broken heart, and this article just gave me a touch a happiness, a litte smile on my sad face.
God bless you Kandee
Hugs from France !

תמר said...

you made me feel good. thank you! ♥

Megan Mazor said...

Thank you for this. I needed to hear it after going through a divorce its really been tough but I keep up with you and before I know it i'm smiling again. Love you so much you earthly angel!

Casey said...

You're awesome, and I know everyone has doubts.. about everything, not just love troubles, maybe life troubles or not able to figure things out yet. I'm going through things, but I know that any time I am feeling blue I can think what would Kandee say? and aside from a slurpee and some music, that's instant smiles for me. So, thank you, pretty lady. For just being you!

Belány said...

I always loved this video! thanks so much Kandee for being so encouraging! you always know how to cheer up someone's day! you made mine! thanks!!!! ending u lots of <3!

Andee Layne said...

Great post Kandee...this will help many girls. We all need a reminder some times! xoxo

www.andeelayne.blogspot.com

you are genuinely a beautiful person inside and out

Surita said...

this is brilliant, i'm not in any heartbreak right now but I know there's this amazing song, it's called 'almost lover' by A Fine Frenzy...it's soo nice and any girl who's in a heartbreak could listen to it and it'll help them say goodbye emotionally to that person. If i were in any heartbreak I know that's one song I'd listen to

Mokas said...

wise words!
=D
it's never enough to hear this.
great video

VeehGirly said...

SO INSPIRATIONAL!!!JUST WHAT I NEEDED TO MAKE MY DAY!!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH KANDEE!!! U HAVE A BEAUTIFUL HEART!!!

tati14 said...

thank you..
it's like having a new best friend..
thank you..
thank you..
thank you..
more than words can say..thank you!

billi84 said...

hi kandee thanks for the lovely post ,u are so sweet and kind your words are magical they touch my heart evry time i read them ,they makes me cry and i just feel so much better after tht :)
i have only 8 months old daughter my husband is abusive he isnt druggie or drinker but has an anger problem i dont know what should i do ...i cant think of walking out i see my daughter and feel so helpless.

InVincible Designs said...

Came at the best time. Thank you! All my love!

Nicole said...

You are so absolutely right! It's great to see this blog. I'm single now (and very happy I must say!) but I've been in both types of relationships that you talked about before and they aren't worth the heartache. It can be difficult to break up, be broken up with, or go through abusive relationships but it can be such a blessing! If for whatever reason you find yourself no longer in a relationship, it's just God's way of clearing that person out of your life so that the right person can walk in! Love your blogs and videos! Keep up the great work! :-)

Juleesz said...

Kandee, your my idol <3

Juleesz said...

Kandee, your my idol <3

Natascha said...

awwww i LOVE this!! You are so inspiring! Your posts always brighten the days when things don't go the way you wish... keep spreading the love <3

FaithHopeLove said...

i love you kandee im so glad your in my life
your words are encouraging and are touching so many with your love and light - inclucing me :-)
i love country music and that is an awesome song
hugs

ps I also love stories of how people meet and fall in love too :-)

sydney said...

Kandee, you have to know, very rarely to do infeel compelled enough by anything I subscribe to to comment on what has been written. I am going to school for cosmotology and have recently gotten completely obsessed with make up!! As I was looking up stuff on you tube, I came across your videos. Since then I have been hooked. You are so sweet and kind and I love that you love GOD. you are so knowledgeable inn your craft and yet you maintain an incredibly humble attitude! You seem to always think of others and genuinely want to help everyone look and feel their absolute best. Thank you for having such a caring and kind heart. And thank you for being so strong and vocal in your faith, it is such an encouragement! I pray you are doing just fabulous!

P.S. Because of your videos on eyebrows, I have finally felt like I have the eyebrows I have always dreamed of!

FitterTwit said...

OMG... great post! You made me smile!!! Thanx!

Miss Fe said...

Life gets so complicated and it's nice to hear when you're not alone in the situation. I've been in #1 - which I'm trying to heal from still - and #2 -that through the grace of God and a fertile cheating boyfriend, I was able to get out. And just reading your words have helped me realize what I already knew: that anyone who's willing to throw me away NEVER deserved me from the beginning. Sometimes it takes that one person ♥MISS KANDEE♥ to help with the revelation. Thanks for the inspirational words and glad that you're rid of #1 and #2 as well=)

Love ya & God bless!

Hello*Pretty said...

Such a touching post! And SOO true! Pretty much everyone deals with a break-up at some point and it is one of the hardest things to get through. I'm sure you inspired many!! :) xo -karrie
www.hellopretty.net

Jackie said...

I pretty much agree with all you said :) Though there isnt a "perfect" man
All men look at girls and posters @_@ because they are guys >.>:
I only had TWO people in my life (and iam 26..going on 27) But i dont mind to be honest. I like being alone, no one can hurt me and iam my own best friend :)

reasons... said...

First off: Great great post! I think a lot of girls will find this so helpful. I love your heart and I love how pasionately you talk about something that will help someone else to get a new perspective!
I just have one question:
What about scenario number 3:
What if you never have had a boyfriend and you feel like no one will ever want you and that is why your heart is broken?
I would love to hear what you have to say about that:-) Thank you so much for being so great and funny and beautiful and loving! <3

jaimie said...

kandee -
you are beautiful, inside and out!

labates said...

I'm pretty sure that this is the first video of yours that I have seen. And then I watched the one where you told your story more fully, and it broke my heart. It made the think, "wow. This woman knows what she's talking about and she has such a sweet, healing heart. It's such a shame that she has endured such hardship, but it's such an encouragement to see someone keep such a healthy attitude about life."

Kandee, You are an INSPIRATION. You are a big BRIGHT LIGHT in a world of darkness. I wish I had a friend like you. I wish EVERYONE had a friend like you. The world would be a much more bearable place to be if more people thought the way that you do.

ambriajade said...

Your blog could not have came @ a more perfect time! Your words are so very encouraging. It is so very scary to be alone. I know that this is the best thing for my boys and I though. Its such a scary world out there but we just need to keep our chins up and read your blogs...hahaha:) It cheers me up and I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. Take care. I hope that leg of your is doing better.

Much gratefulness,
ambria

waltersk1219 said...

I so needed to read this. Thanks Kandee! :)

Allison said...

This past year I have gone through the exact thing you described (abusive boyfriend, evicted from apartment, my mom begged me to come live with her and I did, then told him I couldn't come back). The only difference is I became pregnant at that exact time. I still left him because I knew I didn't want my daughter to grow up thinking she could be talked to the way he talked to me. Anyway, you and your blog and youtube channel has been SUCH a help and comfort and inspiration since all of this has happened. Thank you kandee <3

Nana said...

im sure almost everyone has had a broken heart or two. but yea, we are stronger because of it!

this is a very sweet entry and i hope people don't get stuck in their lives because of this. it's definitely not worth it.

<3 kandee :D lol

Lupita :) said...

Kandee (: im sorry cuz i couldnt post a comment on the other things you had put.. but i just wanna let you know that you had saved my life in many ways.. i read your blog everyday! i follow you on youtube cuz i just wanna be a make up artist too!! i admire your life and how great you are.. even tho i dont post a comment on every thing you put.. i really appreciate your kind words.. and of course i read them cuz theyre like medicine to me! i love you kandee!! i hope to meet you one day.. and thanks to you now i belive that DREAMS REALLY DO COME TRUE! im just 12 years old.. 5'7 feet tall..and i got so in trouble for buying the Nutiva Hemp Shake! hahaha but it dont matter cuz im doing this for me.. i wanna loose weight.. and all my life and my thoughts are changing because of u.. kandee you are like my sister! even tho you dont know me (: God bless your leg yourself and your family and the world! hope your leg is better! if you can message me at lupita_diazh@att.net ill be waiting for a message (: i no youre really busy but i would be SO HAPPY to at least say hi to you (:
Huge Love and Hugs...
-Lupita(:

ambriajade said...

I want to thank you for such a timely blog. You are very encouraging to me. Thank you so very much Kandee.

lexiPOP said...

Kandee, thank you so much for everything you do for all of us. I look up to you so much and I hope one day I can meet you! You inspire me every day to have faith and keep smiling and to stay positive. You are amazing and incredibly beautiful inside and out, don't let ANYONE tell you otherwise.

Just Me Lara's page said...

this jus too perfect timing kandee..it was a like a big sister knowing wat i was going thru and telling me right thing i should do..i jus had a break up 2 days ago.. and i was actually checking out his fb ststus when i saw ur video, and you knw wat i closed his profile tht instant.. your right no more tears no more wasting my time...im gonna start enjoying my singleness now ive got loads of dreams to fill and I AM GONNA DO IT....thanks kandee..ur jus perfect!

brokemakeupjunkie said...

I am so glad i read this, you are an amazing and inspiring person. God bless you Kandee you have helped me to appreciate everything and everyone in my life(including myself now) so thankyou for that.
♥♥♥♥

Noelle said...

You are so sweet to want to encourage others ... the way you draw from your own experience will help so many hearts. Keep sharing your love!
xoxo,
kandee fam lil sis

cheshirecat said...

That video actually inspired me to treat my boyfriend a lot better. Straight after I watched it I went through my msn contacts and deleted all the sleazy 'friends' and an ex, then I called him to tell him I love him and to apologise for getting mad at him because of his cooking faux pas.

Mujdin said...

hey
i saw this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7s_88aPCKpU and i have to know. How old are you? I cant belive you have 3 kids and oldest is 12. your so beautiful

lorennia24 said...

As always your words are so inspiring,I feel better when i read what you write or listen at what you say.My situation is different...what happens when u have kids,when you know maybe is your fault the relationship is falling apart.It's so hard when your heart is not the one that will be broken but your kids heart.I would like to talk to you and explain what my situation is because I know your words are gonna get me out of this.I am getting frustated,deppressed,I think I am reaching my limit and That is not what I want...I really need your help please!!!!!!

hadas said...

kandee thank you!! you have a big big heart!! thank you for the video!!

Dolly said...

That was some great advice Kandee!!! You are amazing!!! Hope ur lil leggy is healing fast and pain has reduced!

Warm hugs and best wishes!

Fatima

elisa said...

Thank you Kandee.

I did the same thing, I was afraid to leave my husband but I said that we needed to separate for a while. That's when I took the opportunity to move into my mom's house & to never return.

I am happy now & I'm starting to feel alot more confident with myself. But of course he sees that as a bad thing & tells me I'm a feminist. He tells me he's sorry & that he will love me & treat me the way he's suppose to. But after 10yrs can I really trust him?

I don't want to go back to that. I am happy & I've made a new friend. But now the process of divorce will be long & painful. I hope everything turns out for the better.

Thank you for your words, they really inspire me.

The Vintage Polka Dot said...

I love your blog Kandee. Your words can be applied to friendships as well. Some of those can be just as bad and sometimes they have to end.

You have a gift that makes people feel beautiful inside and out. Thank you for sharing.

Shelby Renae said...

Thank you for always posting your blogs from the heart! It's so great hearing encouraging words from someone who has actually gone through these things.

However, I've never been in situation #1 or #2. I'm in my own little group, haha. I'm 19 and I've never had a boyfriend. I'm not the kind of girl that thinks a boy solves everything, but I'm tired of being alone. I just want someone to hold me and tell me I'm beautiful. But what makes it more complicated is that I don't want just anyone. The boy I'm in love with is no longer here on earth and it breaks my heart more than words can say. It's almost been a year since he passed away and I'm still not over it. I'm scared I'll never find anyone like him. I'm sorry for writing such a huge novel.. I just need to let it all out before I explode.

Anyway, the point of this reply was to tell you thank you SO much for being the big sister I never had. Even when your situation isn't the same as mine, your words are still inspiring and never fail at making me feel better. Sending you lots of love! xoxox

Amanda said...

You are such an inspiration! You always have something positive to share with the world. Keep on being you! You have a heart of gold :)

laurenalamode said...

My last relationship was TERRIBLE. anything and everything bad you can imagine--and I mean everything. I watched your breakup bootcamp video when I was still with him, and I can't tell you how instrumental you were in helping me leave him. I wouldn't be with the amazing man I'm with right now if I didn't build enough courage to leave the last hurricane of a boyfriend. Kandee, you really are an amazing woman, mother, motivator, dreamer, and artist. Thank you so much <3

laurenalamode said...

My last relationship was TERRIBLE. anything and everything bad you can imagine--and I mean everything. I watched your breakup bootcamp video when I was still with him, and I can't tell you how instrumental you were in helping me leave him. I wouldn't be with the amazing man I'm with right now if I didn't build enough courage to leave the last hurricane of a boyfriend. Kandee, you really are an amazing woman, mother, motivator, dreamer, and artist. Thank you so much <3

Alana2343 said...

Dear Kandee,
You are truly the most wonderful woman I've seen in a long time. Even though I'm sure your leg is bothering you, you still take time out of your schedule to help others. You are so selfless and amazing and inspire me to do so much more with my life. I left an abusive relationship because of you. I truly believe that you saved my life & that you are my angel. You are sweet, beautiful and funny & I truly from the bottom of my heart & soul wish you the very best in life, filled with great health for you & your family & lots of success and most importantly, happiness. Keep inspiring & stay beautiful!

Love,
Alana

ÄŅŅ said...

Your words are like little love plasters all over my broken heart :) It's almost a year since he broke up with me (found out he wanted to be with someone else instead)and i still feel really cut up about this as i really loved him.
Came across their 'happy' pictures a couple days ago and couldn't help but cry. Still makes me sad and angry to know a cheater is living the life while i'm still stuck with the hurt.
Your words of love and encouragement really helps so thank you so very much for spreading all your goodness to your Kandee-family...you really are an inspirational human being...

much love ~

Wen said...

I love reading your blog because it makes me feel that everything is not at the end. I sucks at most relationship in my life and i am in the best one that i know i will ever have in my life. It was so great that i have decided to leave my country that i have grow up in for the past 27 years to be with this man that in a country that i have no friends or family. However, everything turn into dust when i did my medical checkup for the application of visa. Turns out that I am down with TB, i know it cureable however it also means that my visa will most likely be not approve since australia is so particular with health and many other things. Applying with high commission in singapore is not definately not pleasant. I have this feeling that all the officers behind the counter thinks that the womens on the other side of the counters are whores (not me being sensitive, however if you sit there and observes you will understand). Not like i am dying to go into their country. I just want to live with this man that i know i will love and give up everything for. Of course, everything is just nothing now, i cannot bring myself to think of anything good. Because i fail at one of the test. I do not have any support from friends, and i do not need to be reminded that i was there when they needed me most. EVERYONE seems to be busy with their work, and it only shows that when money is involved, they are more impt than friendship. I dont know why i am ranting about here. maybe to be told that everything will be turn out fine? That i can still be in brisbane to marry the man of my dreams? or maybe its just a dream?

777 Butterflies said...

I was one of those emails last December. I never heard back from you and assumed you had too many emails too read mine. But it seems you really did read them all. God Bless you Kandee. Thanks for being such an inspiration. **HUGS**

Ashleigh said...

:'(
KANDEE!

thank you !
- this made me tearful..
its so true, and i know exactly what i have to do, if im ever in a bad situation, or a bad break up.

i love you kandee like a sister!
thank you for being so wonderful to all of us!

take care !
xoxoxox

Lupa said...

Only someone who has hurt a lot can really feel the need to empower those that suffer. I know it cause I've felt it too.
Love and kisses from Greece Kandee.

OmgLia said...

I am still fighting my way out of an abusive relationship .... it is so much easier said than done lol. I dumped him months ago and STILL I'm working at getting over his douche ass. I even have a perfect, amazing guy here to pick up the pieces and I'm still having to work hard. But I know I am worth it so I'll keep working at it! He's not worth anyone's time at all.

fhelya said...

hi kandee,i personally just broke up now (just now)
n im glad i found this n the rascal flatt's song is so awesome (im not a fans of country music as well) but i totally love the song n its really heal my broken hearted
i've been broken hearted so many times,dey lied to me a lot
n i hate liar so frickin bad
n my bf(ex bf now) lied to me n hide sumthin from me n iw as thinkin if he lied bout the lil things so he might lie a big things from me
so i decided to break up for good
but u definitely inspired me in lotta things
i really love u kandee,u're such an amazing person
good luck 4 u
:D

ulimali said...

Hi Kandee, i recently broke up with my boyfriend whom i have known him for 5 years. it was so painful to let go. he even asked me to start over with him after all the that he has done to hurt me. i prayed and prayed, praying to god i'll find an answer to what i should to, my faith was in god's hands. and here i am, just watched your video. it's a wakeup call, suddenly everything falls into place. your video was the answer i was looking for. Kandee, thank you so much. god bless you.

AriBee said...

I have been trying to get out of a relationship for the past two years without prevail. thinking he was "the one", thinking he was worth the tears I shed every single night. Your video woke me up and made me realize NO, NOBODY deserves to be in a relationship like that! I needed to get out before I hurt myself even more. Last night, at a concert mind you, we fought like every other day. I sat down next to him being mad for half of the concert enjoying the music but when the last band got on stage to perform I said to myself, "Kandee would be in the pit dancing her heart away and leave this loser to rot in his own misery!" I immediately got up, ran to the pit, and danced my heart away with other people who were enjoying themselves. This is the happiest break-up I've ever experienced. You have taught me to LOVE myself, and in order to LOVE yourself you have to RESPECT yourself. With a guy constantly bringing me down like that, I clearly wasn't loving myself enough. Thank you for being such an inspiration, I seriously hope to touch other people's hearts the way you have done with the Kandee army :)

hecallsmeprincy said...

hello Kandee.... i adore u..... i become to like u more and more... i want to b just as stong as u ..... i envy u also for having an ideal mom .... love you Kandee .... ur an inspiration.. really...

rb4134 said...

Kandee,

I just wanted to let you know you've been a huge inspiration to me for the last year and a half. You helped me through a really difficult time last summer and I've grown so much from it. I think I've watched every single one of your videos, and whenever I'm feeling down, I go and watch them again. I've grown more confident in myself and I've discovered a new passion for makeup and cosmetology. I've been really bummed out about a guy these last few weeks and watching this video again has made me remember that even though he doesn't think so, I'm worth it.

I can't thank you enough for all of the ways you've inspired me.

Kristen said...

Ive been inconsolable the last couple weeks since having my heart shattered, so u can not even begin to understand how much this has helped me to believe in myself and pick up the pieces to start moving on..cant thank u enough kandee ur a total inspiration.

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